Bean is a Girl!

Happy holidays to all of my festive readers!  Whatever holidays you celebrate and family traditions you have, I'm wishing you all a beautiful holiday season filled with tons of love and blessings!

It goes without saying this post is difficult to write.  Like everybody else, I am having a very difficult time wrapping my head around the horror of last week's massacre in Newtown, CT.  There simply are no words to express the grief and sadness I feel over this terrible situation, and, I just keep praying and praying; I really don't know what else to do except to ask you, my favorite readers, to pray for this grief-stricken community as well.  Sandy Hook Elementary School, you have my love and support.

In light of last week's tragedy I've struggled with the decision of when to write my next blog post.  After all, my little world feels so trivial in comparison to what the community of Newtown is experiencing, but, like many of you, I'm trying to get back to a life that resembles some sense of normalcy, and, I figured we could all use a smile right about now.

So, last week, as the whole world knows, George and I learned we are having a baby girl.  I always thought Bean was a girl, but to have my suspicions confirmed was pretty surreal.  As we looked on the ultrasound screen we just couldn't believe how much Bean had grown.  She's just beautiful - she was sucking her fingers, kicking Ashley's belly - it was just fabulous to see our newest princess in her glory as she relaxed in Ashley's belly.  In fact, we've learned Bean is a really chill baby - she just floated her in sac so peacefully...with her legs crossed.  It was actually pretty funny - no matter what the ultrasound technician did to try and get Bean to show us her "stuff," she wanted to part of it.  Finally, after trying for 22 minutes (I have a copy of the video and it was around the 22 minute mark when Bean finally cooperated), the world's worst kept secret was confirmed: we're having a baby girl.

Decorating Bean's Nursery
You would think, as an interior designer, I would know exactly how I want to design Bean's nursery.  WRONG!!!  I have some plans, but, wow...this is challenging!  I love so many of my products (otherwise I wouldn't offer them), so, this is definitely going to be a toughie.  The only one decision I have made is Bean's crib selection...and that decision was made before Bean ever came to be as it is the crib I used in my office to photograph crib bedding sets that were exclusive to my store. So, here's a peek at the furniture collection I have chosen for Bean's first bedroom.

Bean's First Furnishings!  Bratt Decor's Venetian Collection in Antique White

So, now I need to choose one of my designers' amazing crib bedding sets to adorn Bean's crib, and, I *think* I know which artisan I've chosen to work with.  I'll keep dropping hints along the way!

Heading to Texas 
The only other news we have to report at this time is that George and I are headed to Ashley's home state to attend Bean's routine diagnostic ultrasound with her.  When I had my first two children, this anatomy ultrasound was performed at 20 weeks, but, for some reason ours was scheduled for 22 weeks.  Regardless, I cannot wait to see our third princess' profile on that screen (and, it will be reassuring to know she has not inherited the dreaded "Embessi nose" that we learned my nephew had while he was in the womb!

Until next time, my family and I are sending you all the happiest wishes for the best holiday season ever!

xoxo

 

Happy Holidays & Updates from Ashley

Happy Holiday’s to you and yours!!

Thanksgiving is over, and we are still full!  Now comes the fun stuff… CHRISTMAS!!! My children are already starting their Christmas list and this momma has a completely different idea.  I’m thinking just a plain ole swing set! 

Bean is getting big.  I officially cannot button my jeans anymore… new jeans it was on Friday!!!  Thank goodness for Black Friday!!  Little Bean has been great company over the last few weeks.  It is amazing to feel it grow and move!!!  We all still think it’s a girl, but I think only time will tell.  So far she(it) doesn’t like brisket, or waiting to eat!!!  I literally have to eat something small throughout the day in order to keep up, or even out of the bathroom range.  LOL!!!  All for a great cause!

Like I said, Bean has been great company.  This little one is SO loved, not only by you all but by my family as well.  My son Benjamin) lifts up my shirt and tells her(it) hi and that it’s mommy and daddy are excited to meet it.  I’ll ask my 3 year old (Caitlynn) “Whose baby is in Mommy’s tummy?”  “Sussie’s”…. she’s too sweet!!!! 

Sadly Bean will attend it’s first funeral in the very near future.  My grandfather went to the pearly gates with JR Ewing from Dallas!  He was one very happy man!!  My favorite memories of him were when we would go to the ranch to count the cows and turn around and come right back home.  My cousins and I would play the game “Who can see the red roof first”!! I won most of the time because I was down there so much!!  We wrestled on his footstool for years and I wouldn’t trade any of it for a minute!  I know that Grandpa is watching over me and baby Bean and would be so proud!!  I found out not too long ago that he wanted my Grandmother to be a surrogate when they were younger!!  He loved when she was pregnant apparently, and they already had 6 kids, so having another kid was out!!   I found that very encouraging and strange all at the same time!  :)

Sorry, didn’t mean to go on and on about that! 

Love from the Sefcik’s!!!  Happy Holidays!!

Sister Wives, Second Trimester, & More

I know, I know, I know...I am the worst blogger...ever!!!  I swear I don't mean to be so lazy; I've just been a tad busy running an online boutique during the holidays (and cursing Google's new algorithm in the process), doing the cheerleading carpool thing, and wrapping up my son's rookie season as a Middle Linebacker on his middle school's heavyweight football team.  Oh yes..there's also that issue of making room for baby, making sure Ashley is doing well...and the list goes on and on.

So, happy second trimester friends!!!!!  Can you tell I'm excited?  I swear I have to pinch myself (often) to believe this far-fetched idea George and I concocted four years ago is now one amazing reality!  I often find myself wondering what I did to deserve such an incredible blessing at this stage of my life.  My fear of becoming a young early nester has now been replaced with the excitement of sending my youngest child off to college when Bean enters kindergarten.  The thrill of getting one last chance at raising a child is just too amazing for me to even process at times; George and I are just filled with an overwhelming sense of joy.

On to the good stuff.  Look at how much Bean has grown!  The ultrasound picture below was taken two weeks ago, so, I often daydream about how big our bambino is now.  It's amazing how much this child has developed; In just a few weeks we went from wincing at a microscopic eight-cell embryo to this!

Bean grew to this size just 11 weeks after the day he/she was "born" in a petri dish.  I can only describe our embryologist in two words: miracle maker.  Our embryologist was there with us for every step of the way - she was in the operating room with me during my egg retrieval, fertilized my eggs that same day, called me every morning after the fertilization to tell me how our embryos were developing, and, she then had the overwhelming responsibility of choosing which two embryos we should transfer into Ashley's uterus.  One thing I am always asked is, "Is Bean definitely a girl?"  I honestly don't know; I refer to Bean as a "she" simply because of her heartbeat.  Bean's heartbeat is always in the 170-range as was her older sister's, whereas my son's heartbeat was always in the 130-150 range.  If old wives tales and Chinese calendars are accurate, Bean is a girl, but, the real proof lies in the pudding.  George and I are super excited to fly to Ashley's hometown in eight weeks to learn Bean's gender at our next ultrasound.

As Bean grows, so does Ashley's belly!  Ashley is a rock star, and, she was awesome enough to send me this picture of her growing tummy.  Check out Ashley's baby bump right under her belly button!  I love when Ashley sends me pictures - it's so amazing to see how my baby is growing in her womb.  I cry the happiest tears every time I see an ultrasound video, sonogram photo, or belly bump picture.  Ashley's taking the best care of my baby, and, I couldn't be more proud of or grateful to her.  Here is her most recent belly shot.

Now, you may be wondering why I included the TLC show, Sister Wives in this post's title.  I'm not sure how many of you watch that television show, but, I've watched it from the first episode, and, I must admit that I am hooked on it!  Don't get me wrong - I will never be able to comprehend that whole husband sharing bit, but, they do seem like a very loving family whose members support one another through thick and thin.  Minus that creepy "same father" element to the show, they are otherwise one big, happy, blended family, and, I can relate to that.  Our family has come from all over the map to, and, we are one crazy bunch who loves the hell out of each other, even when our tongues are bleeding from biting them!

Another element of Sister Wives that I can completely relate to is the fertility struggle of Meri (Cody Brown's first wife).  Her oldest daughter Mariah is preparing to depart home for college, leaving Meri in one huge, empty house, all alone (remember - her husband has three other wives he needs to visit during the week!).  Last season, after Robin (Cody Brown's fourth wife) delivered her first baby with Cody (her fourth child - she has three older children from a previous marriage), Robin offered to be Meri's surrogate to fulfill her dream of becoming a mother again.  Cue the hysterics!  Ashley and I now cry every time that issue is discussed on the show (which we no longer miss due to our connection to the show's storyline!).

So, what's my point?  Well, if you watch the show, you can see that Meri is having a hard time accepting Robin's offer to carry her baby.  If you're anything like me, I'm often ready to scream, "Just say yes!!!" at my television every Sunday night.  So, for that reason, I feel the need to come to Meri's defense here.

Having a baby via gestational surrogacy was very easy for George and me.  I've always been very candid about it: I can't carry a baby, but I can have a baby, and, I chose to do it via whatever means necessary.  By making this choice, a woman is essentially accepting the fact that she cannot carry her own child, and, that can be very hard.  If you think about it, having babies is the one thing we are supposed to be able to do.  When our bodies fail us, it sucks, period.  But, gestational surrogacy has also given me so much more than a baby.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would develop this amazing bond with Ashley.  It's not even describable really - it's just something we both know is there, and, it will never be broken.  Ashley once summed it up best when she said, "We'll all be better people for it in the end," and, nothing could be more accurate.  So please Meri, take this Intended Mother's advice, and go for it!

Watch Sister Wives?  Share your thoughts with me (or anything else for that matter!).  I love reading your comments!

Wishing you all a blessed Thanksgiving with your amazing families and friends!

Let Me Tell You About Ashley

Hello friends - happy Friday!  Wow, what an amazing week!  Little Bean showed us just how tough he or she is with a thumping heartbeat and a perfect increase in size, leading the doctors to give us the all clear to go public. The amount of love and support we received after we shared our news was just so heartwarming.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

So, you all know a lot about me by now, but, I'm not sure you know too much about Ashley.  Well, let me fill you in...

I first met Ashley during the December holidays last year (2011).  We met over the phone during a conversation that was mediated by our Intended Parent Coordinator at Reproductive Possibilities.  Now, I don't think there is any "right way" to manage the nervousness such a phone call can induce.  Let's be honest here - George and I were trying to see if this was the woman we would choose to care for our baby the same way we would, and, Ashley was trying to see if we were a couple she felt she would want to help by taking on a very, very hefty responsibility.  Think about it this way - would you be willing to endure a ton of hormone injections that make you feel horrible only to be followed up with getting pregnant...with another couple's baby?!  If you can, imagine the icky feeling of morning sickness combined with a slew of side effects from hormone injections, all in the name of giving somebody else a baby.  Takes a warrior, doesn't it?

Ashley, Benjamin, and me the day they flew home after our transfer.  Yes, I know my jugs are on full display.

Now, before George and I met Ashley through our agency, we tried matching with a surrogate independently.  First of all, we thought this would save us some money.  Secondly, we thought this would give us the opportunity to get to know a potential surrogate better.  Well, both of these reasons turned out to be wrong and wrong.  For instance, one surrogate told us she wanted to carry our baby so she could use the money she earned to build a porch onto her house.  Really?  Another sounded good...until we learned she was on disability and trying to earn extra cash.  Independent matching?  Complete failure.

So, during that first phone call, George and I knew instantly that Ashley was the woman we wanted to carry our baby.  She agreed with us that we are all God's children, and, she was on the "will not abort list" just like George and I were.  We were also finishing each others sentences during that first phone call, and, we quickly realized Ashley was a strong woman who wouldn't take anybody's crap.  Sound like anybody you know?  ;)-

Ashley bought and gave me this sign for good luck the day before our transfer.  It now rests on my nightstand where it will remain until I design our baby's nursery.

George and I have grown to love Ashley and her family, and, we want you to know just how awesome Ashley is.  There are way too many amazing things about her to list in one post, but, I'm giving it my best shot.

First of all, Ashley is an amazing wife and mother.  She is the glue that holds her family together, and, she rocks it out.  I've met her husband and her son, and, watching her parent her son in person was awesome - she's raising happy, respectful children.  When Ashley and her son went back home after our transfer, I cried, George didn't want to put his booster seat back in the shed, and, even the kids said the house wasn't the same without them.  Thankfully, Ashley has started to use FaceTime so we get to see her kids because we love them so much!

Next, there is the reason why Ashley is doing this.  She's never discussed money with me...EVER.  Instead, she told me she simply wants to help someone, and, I wholeheartedly believe her.  She has been put through the ringer medically, and, her schedule is disrupted at least once a week with doctor's appointments...all to help US.  Really, I don't know how she does it.  In addition to running her family, she also manages a busy hotel in her home town! 

The night before my egg retrieval, I burst into tears out of fear that my egg retrieval would not give us the results we wanted.  Who sat next to me and comforted me?  Ashley.  When I cried because I felt like I was a failure to George due to my lack of a uterus, who comforted me?  Ashley again.  During our transfer, when George and I sat in the operating crying (happy and scared tears), Ashley remained calm and her facial expression said it all - she KNEW this was going to work, and, she KNEW she was experiencing a miracle.

Simply put, Ashley is considered a miracle to our family.  She has sacrificed time with her family, time at work, and her body to give US a baby.  For weeks she's been injecting herself with hormones that make her body feel pregnant...when she already is.  She's been so sick that she has to take prescription nausea medication to give US a baby.  And you know what?  She never complains...EVER. She's become an honorary member of our family.  Nobody takes this amazing gift she's giving us for granted.  We all know she is making our dreams come true, and, we will probably never be able to tell her how truly grateful we are.  She's giving us a miracle, and, there simply are no words for that.  All we can do is promise to be kick ass parents to our baby, and, remain great friends...whether Ashley likes it or not, she's stuck with us, and, there is no finer lady I'd want to care for our baby for nine months.  Ashley, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

xoxo

We're Back!

Welcome back readers!  Over the past few weeks I missed updating my blog and feeling the love from all of you.  But, the past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, and, I was definitely not comfortable posting anything too early.  In fact, I'm even a little nervous right now as I type this, but, I promised to be upfront and honest with all of you. Therefore, I think it's only fair that I provide the update many of you have been waiting for.

I know, I know...get to the good stuff.  In what has possibly been the worst kept secret ever, we are pregnant!!!  We have known for four weeks, and, I'm actually surprised I didn't cave and scream it from the rooftop before today!  I am highly superstitious, and, I've been terrified that making an announcement would be bad luck.  However, now that the baby's heartbeat has been detected, and, the baby's measurements are perfect as well as Ashley's pregnancy hormone count, the doctors have given us a little room to breathe now.

How Did it Go?
When I last updated my blog, I was preparing to have my egg retrieval.  This was done on Saturday, September 1st.  All along the doctors had been hoping to get about 12 eggs out of me.  To everybody's sheer delight, we were able to retrieve 20 eggs!  That same day, 13 eggs were fertilized, and, 11 took.  Here's a picture of me crying after I woke up in the recovery room and was told 20 eggs had been retrieved!

Me...20 eggs lighter

Over the next few days after my retrieval and fertilization, the embryologist called daily to give George and me updates on the development of our embryos as well as information for our transfer date.  Often, it is more desirable to transfer the embryo(s) five days after retrieval.  However, by day three, we had six textbook embryos, so, the doctor and embryologist agreed our chances of success would be higher if we transferred on day three.  So, on Tuesday, September 4th, our two best looking embryos were transferred to Ashley's uterus.

Watching the transfer was surreal.  We were all in an operating room (George, Ashley, and me) in our sterile gowns without makeup or perfume.  We might not have looked (or felt) too hot, but, none of us took that special moment for granted.  George and I held hands the entire time, and, Ashley looked so peaceful.  It was almost as if her facial expression was telling us we were taking part in a miracle.  Not to mention, watching our little embryos transfer into Ashley's uterus on a large monitor screen was pretty amazing.  I couldn't believe one of those tiny eight-cell embryos could be our child.  There are just no words to describe it!

Our "textbook" embryos...a.k.a "Thing One & Thing Two"

Ashley and me all suited up for the transfer, which took place in an operating room.  Yes, I know I look awful, but, embryos don't like chemicals like perfumes, etc., so, Ashley and I both decided to go sans makeup.

After my egg retrieval and Ashley's transfer, I really began to pity George.  First and foremost, Ashley was on bed rest, and, there was no way I was going to allow her to lift a finger at that time!  Additionally, my ovaries were huge after my retrieval, and, this caused a whole lot of cramping.  Ashley and I both had nausea to boot - her hormones had taken a toll on her, and, the antibiotics I was prescribed post-op were wretched.  So, we took turns alternating from the couch to the recliner while George fed us and ran our home as Ashley and I slept...a lot!  We were both given Zofran for nausea, and while it worked so well, it also knocked us out cold! 

The Two Week Wait
WOW.  "The Two Week Wait" was just as anxiety-inducing as I'd heard!  Ashley and I were *so* stressed out.  We actually knew pretty early that we were at least pregnant as a home pregnancy test (followed by many more for confirmation) came back positive.  We were excited, but nervous too, as we'd heard of chemical pregnancies, positive tests for pregnancies that were not fairing too well, etc.  So while this was a great start, it certainly wasn't Scripture, and, we knew we would only be able to know exactly what was going on when Ashley went for her first beta HCG test on Monday, September 17th.

I have pictures of several home pregnancy tests...but I think this is the best one :)

So, Ashley and I sat around all day that Monday waiting for her lab work to come back.  As the clock kept ticking and the phone never rang, we both became concerned that something was wrong.  Um...nope...the computers that had Ashley's lab results on them went down!!!  Ugh!  When our IVF nurse called to tell me she wouldn't be able to give me the results until the next day, I burst into tears!  Eh, at least now I can say I'm a survivor of the two week wait!  Thankfully, our IVF nurse called first thing the next morning to tell us Ashley's blood work was awesome and that we'd be moving on to weekly ultrasounds and lab work to monitor the pregnancy's progress.

Seeing "Little Bean"
When Ashley had her first ultrasound (called a "pregnancy ultrasound" to confirm that she is indeed pregnant), we could see the baby's sac and yolk sac, which is what will feed the baby.  Ashley hit George and me up on FaceTime so we could watch the ultrasound with her.  We could only see a slight shadow of the baby, and, it looked like a stem.  To my complete surprise, I looked at George, and, he had taken his glasses off because he was crying.  Seeing the baby for the first time, no matter how teeny tiny, just made him melt.  I don't have any pictures of that ultrasound; I honestly didn't think to ask since we couldn't really see the baby.

Now, the next week (Wednesday, October 3rd), we did see the heartbeat for the first time.  Cue the hysterics!  I cried almost the entire day - I was just so happy to see this teeny tiny little baby George and I created, and, it was just amazing to see that little heartbeat.  This is when our baby earned the nickname, "Little Bean."  Our reasoning is simple - take a look at this photo and you'll see the baby simply looked like a bean!

Little Bean's first photo!

As our doctor told us the risk of a miscarriage decreases significantly after a singleton's (one baby's) heartbeat is detected, George and I chose to wait another week to make sure everything was still going well.  So, last night, Ashley had another ultrasound, and, we couldn't believe how much Little Bean had grown!  Take a peek and see!

Little Bean last night (October 9th)

So, this is where we stand right now.

Keep the Prayers Coming
As always, we are asking everyone to please keep the prayers coming!  The love and support we have received over the last few weeks has been tremendous - our massive support group has made this so fun and exciting for us, and, when I become a nervous wreck, someone is always there to talk me off of the ledge!  And, of course, no matter how great everything looks and regardless of the statistics which state our chance of a miscarriage is extremely low, it's my nature to be a worrier, so, I'll always ask for prayers for our little miracle!

What's Next?
We have passed the point where weekly ultrasounds are ordered, and, we won't see Little Bean again until next month.  I'll miss our weekly visits via FaceTime, but, I know Little Bean in great hands under Ashley's care.  And, this is actually a milestone to celebrate - our pregnancy is going so well that it's time for us to move on to the next stage.  Our gender ultrasound will be in early January, and, George and I will be flying to Ashley's home town for that scan and to meet the amazing doctor who will be delivering our baby.

I'll keep posting updates now that the cat is out of the bag as I still have plenty of things to chat about!  But, for now, I think this post was a pretty good start.  ;)

Thank you all again for your support!  The texts, emails, and phone calls have meant the world to us.  We are truly so grateful for the love and support Little Bean is getting!

Chat soon!

Our Blogging Hiatus has Begun...

Hello all!  Happy Labor Day!

I can't believe I'm writing this post already - the last two weeks have been a total whirlwind both emotionally and physically - but, my egg retrieval date snuck up on us much sooner than anybody (including our doctors and IVF nurse) anticipated.  So, for the first time all week, I'm home alone with just my dogs and my laptop.  No television, no nothing.  So, I figured it was time to write my final blog post before we know whether or not we're having a baby.

What Happened?
My reproductive system has officially been dubbed, "The Little Body that Could."  When our  journey began, we were told I would begin having ultrasounds and blood work every other day, and then every day as my little eggies grew closer to their retrieval date.  Well, to everybody's surprise, my body took to the medicine like white on rice, and, I never had those "every other day" ultrasounds.  I had my first ultrasound, and, our medical plan changed instantly.  Our fear of not developing enough eggs was quickly changed to a new fear of developing too many eggs.  As of today (Thursday, August 30th), I have 18 eggs ready for retrieval.  My stomach is huge, it hurts, I can't eat, and, I live in anything without buttons.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself...

2 Days Pre-Retrieval.  We call this, "Suzi and her 20 babies!"

Today I had my last ultrasound before our first attempt at having a baby.  I was just in awe staring at all 19 eggs that have made each of my ovaries the size of softballs, and, I couldn't help but to say out loud, "Wow...One of them could grow to be my baby."  It was kind of surreal but very peaceful.  It was one of the only ultrasounds George didn't go to with me, and a part of me wished he had been there to see it, and another part of me kind of enjoyed being alone staring at my "20 babies."  Yep...that's our new nickname..."Suzi and her 20 babies."

After my blood draw and ultrasound I was given my post-op instructions along with my instructions for the one, final injection I will give myself tonight.  Tomorrow (Friday, August 31st), I will go to RMA Philadelphia for one last blood draw, and then, Saturday morning, I will report to the surgical center at 7:00 a.m. for my egg retrieval.

What Have We Done Over the Last Few Days?
Ashley got here on Wednesday, August 29th.  After I was almost an hour late picking her and her adorable son Benjamin up from the airport, we drove to my house to get them settled in their current digs (my son's camp themed bedroom).  George and I then took our three kids, Ashley, and Benjamin out to dinner so the kids could meet the fabulous woman who has offered to carry their new baby brother or sister (or both!) on behalf of their mom and dad.  Tonight, George and his daughter took Ashley and Benjamin to a Trenton Thunder game (I had to stay home as my last injection had to be given at 7:30 p.m. on the dot...not 7:25, not 7:35...7:30 precisely!).


Backtracking a bit, this morning, after I got home from my final ultrasound, George drove me to my mother's grave.  I went there to pray, to tell her how much I wished she was here, and just to have some peaceful time with the woman I so desperately wish I could call for guidance during this time.  This ranks right up there with getting married without her; It's hard, and, it just sucks that she's not here by my side.  But, somehow, I do have faith that she is by my side, and, that she's played a little role in our successes to date.

One of the last gifts my mother gave me.  "A Mother Is Love."  She sure is...

What's Next?
Tomorrow night, the people I am closest to (George, Ashley, and my best friend Denise) will spend time at my house to help me remain calm and positive as my nerves are just about shot right now.  Without the love and support of those three, I would have never made it this far without having a complete breakdown.  George, Ashley, and Denise, I love you and appreciate your more than you will ever know.

On Saturday morning, George, Ashley, and I all have to report to the surgical center at 7:00 a.m.  I'll head into the operating room, and while I'm there, George will be doing what he has to do in order to give the embryologist a "fresh" sperm sample to inject into my little eggies, and, Ashley will be having blood work and an ultrasound while I'm  in the recovery room.

When I return home, I will resume taking my Coumadin to prevent the development of a blood clot as my hormones get back to normal.  Additionally, I will also resume my abdominal injections of Lupron which will make my ovaries shrink to their normal size.


From there, the embryologist will call us later in the day on Saturday and Sunday to let us know how our embryos are doing, which I think is adorable.  Some day, God willing, I'll be able to tell my child I received medical updates about him or her while they were developing in a petri dish!  I also think it's kind of cute because, again, God willing, George and I will take on our first parental duties making decisions pertaining to our own child.  It's just amazing and miraculous - I really have no other words for it.

Depending upon how our embryos grow, they will either be transferred into Ashley's uterus on Tuesday, September 4th, or Thursday, September 6th.  We then begin our ever-stressful "two week wait."  So, in less than three weeks, we'll know whether or not we are pregnant.

As I spoke to our IVF nurse today, she wanted me to remember that the odds are in our favor.  My eggs grew fantastically, Ashley's uterine lining is perfectly thick for an embryo to attach to...really, even our stiff-lipped doctor said, "This has been a beautiful cycle."  I did ask the, "What are our odds?" question, and, while our IVF nurse said they are 60% or higher, the doctor said they were 50/50.  I was disappointed when he said that, but, George was quick to note that the doctor can't say anything more; If it doesn't work, the first thing I'd do is burst into tears and say, "But you told me it would!!!"  So, I get the logic, and, all I can do now is hope and pray.

When Will You Be Back?
Well, I'm taking my hiatus until I have concrete information.  As I sit here and pray for a miracle, my thought is that, if we do conceive on the first try, I will not say anything until the baby's heartbeat has been confirmed.  If our first attempt does not work, I'll be back as soon as I know that information (a little less than three weeks) to let you all know that we're starting over.

Until I am back, thank you all for your love, support, and prayers during this amazing journey.  We have received so many positive wishes over the last few weeks - I really don't know what we would have done (or will continue to do) without you.

So, for now, I just ask that you please pray for all of us.  George, Ashley, the bambinos, and I all want and need your continued prayers.

Until Next Time...

We're in the Home Stretch

WOW.  That was the first thing I thought to myself this morning as I lay in the doctor's office, feet up in stirrups, and staring at an ultrasound monitor full of large eggs.  Our doctor immediately exclaimed, "You got off to an explosive start!  Look at all of these eggs - they're all big!  You're doing great; I bet you'll have your retrieval sometime this weekend.  This was really fast."  Holy cow!  For one of the few instances of my life, I was speechless.  The little body that couldn't just proved to the medical community that she could, and, she did.  Thank you Jesus!

Of course, I immediately texted Ashley as soon as I learned my retrieval would likely be this Friday.  She was just as surprised and thrilled as I was.  I wish I could have spoken to her over the phone about it - I had to send a text message because my phone was broken and my replacement didn't arrive until later this evening!  Grr...

So, in order to get my body ready for my retrieval, the doctor bumped up my medication dosages today.  Yey.  I say that sarcastically, but, all of the pleasant side effects of my fertility drugs are definitely worth the amazing gift they are giving me.  I'll be honest though...they don't make me feel so good!

Yesterday I felt great - better than I have since I administered my first injection two and a half weeks ago.  I thought I was finally getting used the the medication and the icky days were over.  WRONG!!!  It seems as though I felt amazing yesterday because the dosage of one injection was cut in half, and, I got to skip the one that has the higher incidence of migraines and nausea.  Today I took them both again at regular doses.  Cue the migraine and upset tummy.

Anyway, there is so much about surrogacy that I didn't know before; like you, I learn something new every day.  Today I learned there is a condition that develops when too many eggs grow - there's a fine line between growing too many and too few eggs.  I currently have the perfect amount of large eggs, however, my medication dosages have been adjusted to prevent me from growing too many of them.  It turned out I had "a ton" of little follicles, and, they would have developed into more eggs without medical intervention.  Too many eggs can cause all kinds of serious medical problems, so, clearly I agreed with the doctor when he decided to put a halt to that!

Tomorrow I'll go back to the doctor for another ultrasound and blood work, and, I will continue to do this until our egg retrieval.  George also has to have more blood work done, and, he has to deliver his "urgent" medical forms from his recent physical. I say "urgent" because our IVF nurse told George he needed a physical right away, so, he actually left work mid-day to have his physical performed, and then...crickets.  Today we were told to bring his paperwork in for tomorrow's visit; This is the first time his physical has been mentioned in weeks!

What's next?  Ashley and her son arrive on Wednesday - I can't wait to see them!  Ashley has such a positive, "This will work" attitude, and, I'm really looking forward to spending a few days with her.  Beginning Wednesday, Ashley will be cared for at RMA Philadelphia instead of RMA of Texas so we will both be monitored by the same medical team.  I will then have my egg retrieval on what the doctor believes will be Friday, and then, George's swimmers will be injected into my eggs to create embryos.  After an embryologist monitors the development of the embryos, he/she will decide which are the strongest to transfer into Ashley.  After the transfer, we head into the dreaded two week wait (also known as 2WW - that's how long it will take before we know if Ashley is pregnant).

Oh!  I forgot to update you all on our little pregnancy announcement survey!  Through private messages from the majority, we have decided to wait until we have a heartbeat.  So, if you don't see me posting anything after our transfer, you know why.  ;)

And finally, I am asking everybody I know to pray to God or whatever higher power they believe in as baby making is officially out of my control now.  In fact, I just got home from church...at 11:00 p.m.!  Yep, I drove to my church's 24 hour chapel to pray for our miracle.

Until next time!

Creating a Miracle is Hard Work!

Hello readers - happy weekend to ya!  While I'm thrilled and extremely grateful you're taking time out of your weekend to learn more about our journey, I do hope you're enjoying a fabulous weekend, doing whatever it is that makes you happy to have these two days off!

My first injection of each day: Lupron

Update Since my Last Post
As usual, plenty has changed since my last update.  On Tuesday, I learned that I have a whopping 26 eggs cooking.  Now, the doctor was very clear with me on this high number of eggs.  I'll word it as bluntly as the doctor did: All 26 eggs may be retrieved, we may have more than 26 eggs retrieved, and we may have less than 26 eggs retrieved.  The role of the Lupron injection I have been taking was to prevent my body from releasing any eggs to early, and, it worked.  Positive looking ultrasound?  Check!

Next up was my blood work.  I have blood draws on the same day I have my ultrasounds as they're both clearly relative to one another.  To my sheer joy, my estrogen and progesterone levels are perfect!  Our IVF nurse who called me said everything looks great, and, she reiterated her belief that the odds are in our favor.  Still, I'll admit to getting on my knees at least once a day and praying for a miracle with our embryo transfer, and, I'm not ashamed to admit it!  I'm also thankful the good Lord has blessed me in so many ways.  My medical team is keeping me safe, my health is great, and the little body that couldn't is proving to the world it can.  Thank you Jesus!

My second injection each day: Menopur.  And  yes, George did have to stick this needle in my tushy!

Physical Side Effects of Treatment
As of today (Saturday, August 25th), I am taking three injections daily to keep the ball rolling in a positive direction.  On a good note, my body is doing so well that my Lupron (the menopause drug) has been decreased from 10ml a day to 5ml a day.  Woo hoo!  I began taking my lower Lupron dose three days ago, and, today I noticed I am experiencing less hot flashes.  I'm still running a little "warmer" than usual, but, disgusting side effects like back sweat are slowly dwindling.  I thought the side effects of the Lupron were rough, but, as it so happens, those side effects were practically nothing compared to the side effects that were headed my way!

So, what drugs am I on now?  Here's a list of my medication with links - I've included links to each drug should you decide you want to research each medication to learn more about them.

1. Lupron
2. Menopur
3. Gonal-f
4. Coumadin (also known as Warfarin)

My third injection of the day: Gonal-f

Here is a brief list of my regular daily symptoms at this point:

• Throbbing Headaches: I am a chronic migraine sufferer as it is, so, it was almost a given that I would be among the 41% of women who experience headaches.
• Abdominal Pain and Cramping: I'm not sure how common this is amongst most patients as I developed a complicated ovarian cyst after I began taking my Lupron.  Occasionally I wonder if I wouldn't experience these abdominal pains if I didn't have the cyst, however, both of my ovaries are chock full of eggs, and, I do feel the cramps on both sides of my belly.  Honestly, I don't care too much about this.  When the pain starts I take my Tramadol and plop a heating pad on my belly, and, that at least helps take the edge off of the pain.
• Nausea: Disgusting.  That's truly all I can say about that.  I have a prescription for Zofran to help ease my nausea, and, I will forever be grateful to the manufacturers of this wonder drug that keeps me from loosing my cookies every day.
• Exhaustion: Give me a bed or a couch, and, I promise it will be put to good use!  ;)-
• Abdominal bloating: This has probably upset me more than anything else - yes, I am that vain.!  Watching your belly blow up like a balloon is not the easiest thing to calmly witness.  I was warned about this side effect ahead of time, but, nothing could have prepared me for the real deal.  I can't believe I'm even doing this, but, as a completely honest woman who is laying it all out there for everyone to see, I have an obligation to.  Check out this photo below - it was taken a few days ago. 

I cannot even tell you the pain I was in when this photo was taken - it actually hurt just to stand still long enough for George to take the picture!  Thankfully, my new medication has caused a massive decrease in appetite, so, my stomach has already shrunk considerably since this picture was taken.  I'll add a new photo in my next post!

Emotional Side Effects of Treatment
First things first...I feel that I must state the obvious here in that I am clearly elated that science has given George and me the opportunity to have a baby of our own.  If we could go back in time to my last and final pregnancy, I never, in a million years, would have imagined George and I would be where we are today.  We are so blessed by the scientists, doctors, and nurses who have dedicated their careers to making couples like us parents, and, it goes without saying that we are beyond blessed to have a woman as wonderful as Ashley to allow our baby to grow in her belly while our child grows in our hearts.  I could never thank them enough for everything they are doing for us, and, I will be eternally grateful for their compassionate treatment.

Emotionally, I'm holding up as best as I can.  I'll be the first to admit that gestational surrogacy is an emotional roller coaster for every reason you can think of.  There is the pressure on me to deliver good eggs, the pressure on George to have what it takes to fertilize those eggs, and the pressure on Ashley to carry a successful pregnancy.  Last week, after I received the beautiful news about the number of eggs I'm cooking, I made a decision I should have made before we even began this journey - "Let it be."

I'm sure my super positive doctor's appointment played a role in my new, (sort of) zen attitude - after all, I can now say I've given this my all.  If it doesn't work the first time, that's okay.  George and I have agreed we will keep trying should we need to if that's what it takes for us to have a baby.  Anyway, I'm so inspired by my new outlook on life that I am seriously getting a tattoo on my foot.  Check out the picture below - I love the font, but, I just want to translate it to Italian so it will read, "lascia che sia."  Any thoughts?

I adore this tattoo's font!  I would just change the words to lascia che sia (let it be)

Thank God for George!
On this one I must be honest - many women are very frustrated with their husbands around this time, but, not me!  I have to admit it - I have the most supportive husband...EVER!  He has actually managed to finagle his schedule so he can work from home at least until my egg retrieval!  He may even be able to work from home until Ashley's transfer, which would be even more amazing.  He has been a total Godsend to me.  When I take my shots, he's standing by with gauze pads since my Coumadin has made me a bleeder.  Last week when I felt like absolute hell, he sent me off to get a massage to calm my nerves and physical discomfort.  Tomorrow morning he's driving me an hour away for my ultrasound and blood work (yes, on a Sunday - I told you there is no such thing as a day off from baby making!).  Then Monday he's driving me to an orthopedic surgeon since since my legs haven't gotten any better for two weeks (don't worry - I don't have a blood clot - I was put through the ringer to make sure that wasn't the case).  In addition to driving me all over Timbuktu,  George has managed to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everyone since I can't eat and could fall asleep standing up.  Well, strike that...I do cook dinner most nights, but when I just don't have it in me, George intervenes as my fatigue reaches its absolute worst around 4:00-5:00 p.m.  I'll be the first to admit it; I am incredibly blessed, and, everybody deserves a husband like George.  Ooh I just realized you've never seen a picture of him - check us out below on the day I graduated college (yep...at the ripe old age of 33 LOL)!

George and me at my college graduation in 2010.  Isn't he a hot tamale?!

Confused?  You're not Alone!
Recently quit a few people have commented that they still don't understand the gestational surrogacy process.  So, I found a few links for you to check out to hopefully help you along.

• Baby Center - Gestational Surrogacy: http://www.babycenter.com/0_gestational-carriers-surrogacy_4099.bc
• Baby Center - IVF (this will help you understand my drugs a little better): http://www.babycenter.com/0_fertility-treatment-in-vitro-fertilization-ivf_4094.bc
• Complicated Ovarian Cysts (when you read this please remember my cysts are complicated, not functional):  http://helpmehelpyourhealth.com/things-you-ought-to-know-about-complicated-ovarian-cysts/.html

I'll likely update tomorrow night after my ultrasound and lab work.  Until then, have a great evening!

Cheers!

PS: I almost forgot two share the news that I just learned that two of my very good friends are expecting!  I am so happy for all of them and praying for safe babies and parents.  I can't help but to think it would be such great fun if we were all pregnant together!  Congratulations parents (you know who you are but I don't want to out you on my blog without your permission)!!!

My Spirits are Lifted!

Lifted Spirits

Today I had my first ultrasound and blood draw since I began my fertility treatments.  Admittedly, as you could probably tell from my last post, I was an absolute wreck about today's testing.  I have been so scared that my body would somehow fail me; I was filled with fear that I would not produce enough quality eggs to create the strong embryos we need to transfer into Ashley's uterus.

So...how did today's ultrasound go?  BEAUTIFULLY!!!!  All along I have been privately rooting for eight eggs.  I don't know what it is about that number - I just thought eight sounded like a good start.  Well my friends, I am happy to report that my right ovary is producing 16 eggs, and my left ovary is producing 10 eggs.  Yep...I've created 26 eggs for my retrieval!!!!!  Now, the doctor was quick to note that we may get more eggs during my surgery, and, we may get less eggs as well, but, she was pleased and said I'm exactly where she wants me to be.  Hallelujah!  I really, really needed a spirit boost, and, I sure as heck got it today!  As a result of this great news, insiders are now wondering if we'll have twins.  I'm thinking of starting a baby pool - any takers?!

Ovarian Cysts
Of course, this is me we're talking about here, and, as you've probably learned by now, I have about the most frustrating reproductive system of all time.  One side effect that has been driving me somewhat crazy is my stomach.  It hurts and is huge.  This often happens to me when I develop ovarian cysts (which is a regular event for me).  In fact, when we started our journey, my right ovary had a fluid cyst parked on it.  Since it was just a fluid cyst, we left it alone, and, it has since vanished after making my ovary it's home for over a year.

So what's up with my belly aches?  Well, it turns out my left ovary, the one that is stapled into place, has developed a complicated cyst.  What does that mean?  Well thankfully it doesn't mean anything harmful for baby making.  It just means that I will be uncomfortable for a few more weeks until we can do something about this.  If my symptoms continue, I will look into having the cyst, or, the entire ovary removed as it's becoming a bit of a pest.  After all, the thing first fell out of place and had to be stapled back in, and now it has a complicated cyst which is composed of blood and other disgusting things that typical fluid cysts are not made of.  I'm starting to think my left ovary has paid its dues, and God willing, has blessed me in ways I never imagined.  I am thankful for its service, but, I think it may be time to give that thing a proper farewell.

Honestly, I don't care about the cyst...at all!  I'll take my bloated belly and horrible cramps if it means George and I will get our baby!  No amount of physical pain can steal my joy over the fantastic news that my body is not failing me as I feared - it's kicking ass and taking prisoners, and, I couldn't be more pleased!!!

So what's next?  My IVF nurse will call me later today to tell me when to begin my next series of injections, and, we're nine days (or less!) away from my egg retrieval.  HOORAY!!!!!

Here's to more happy baby news!

We're Really Doing This - WOW!

Wow...today reality has really hit me.  We are full steam ahead...a dream that George and I first looked into three years ago is now becoming our reality.  It is very exciting, yet a bit terrifying at the same time.

Ashley is coming here for her transfer on Sunday - that's less than a full week away!  I'm so excited that she and her son Benjamin will be staying at our house, not a hotel, during their stay.  Ashley and I talk on the phone almost every day, and on the days we don't talk, we text...a lot.  But, I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to welcome Ashley and Benjamin into our home.  This will be beneficial in so many ways.

First of all, we can talk and text all we want, but none of that compares to actually spending real time together and bonding.  I'm looking forward to staying up late sharing our excitement and our fears with one another, and, I'm thrilled that my family will get the opportunity to meet Ashley and thank this selfless woman for the beautiful gift she is giving us.  Ashley is coming to town on Sunday, and, she will be here for about two weeks.  Since we can't predict the future, the doctor wanted Ashley here on August 26th, though my estimated egg retrieval date is not until August 30th.  I'm guessing our doctor wanted Ashley here so he could monitor us both himself (until now, Ashley has been monitored at a branch facility in Texas).  I'm not quite sure why he wants her here for two weeks though - most Gestational Surrogates travel to their Intended Parents' facility for just a few days, not two weeks.  We're guessing Ashley will be ready to go home before the two week mark, so, we booked her flights one way so we don't get hit with change fees when she goes back home - we'll just book another one way ticket for her and Benjamin to return to Texas.  Thank God for AirTran and their awesome rates!

At this time, I'm trying hard to keep my emotions in check, and, I'm relaxing as much as I can to be as zen as possible about the next few weeks.  If I do not push myself to stay calm, I go into worry overload.  My best friend Denise can tell you what happens when I am not zen.  Denise had to talk me off the ledge last week when my hormones got the best of me and I did nothing by cry for two hours and put my poor husband on blast for doing absolutely nothing wrong.  Prozac anyone?

So what am I worrying about?  Well, let's just call a spade a spade here: We have no guarantee of this working out well for us.  Our facility did give us a percentage of our odds, but, the only thing I feel comfortable saying is that those odds are in our favor.  I don't want to share the percentage they gave us - no matter how high that number is, it will never be 100%, and, I don't want to jinx us by sharing the percentage out of fear that everyone will assume we will be successful on the first try. 

So, an unsuccessful transfer is my most prominent worry at this time.  What else is there to worry about?  Well, I'm worried that my body will disappoint us and not provide the number or quality of eggs the doctor is anticipating.  Let's face it - I am responsible for a decent portion of our success.  Without good eggs, we won't have strong embryos to transfer.  The weaker the embryos, the less likely we are to conceive a successful pregnancy.

And of course, there is the disappointment factor.  I'm so worried about disappointing George, our families, friends, and even you, our blog readers.  Everyone is so positive and excited for us, and, I want to be able to scream from the hilltops that we are pregnant!  But, at this point, I'm just taking everything day-by-day, and, I'm just taking each day as it comes and never looking any further than that.

So, this leads me to an all-important question that I would really like feedback on.  After Ashley's transfer, we enter the emotionally draining period of time known as "the two week wait," abbreviated as 2WW for short.  It is during the 2WW that we know nothing - at the end of the two week wait we find out if we are pregnant.  If I am not committed during this period of time, thank Jesus, because I can only describe that as divine intervention!

What's my question?  Well, it's pretty simple, and I'm going with what the majority of voters rule.  Should we learn we are pregnant at the end of our 2WW, or, should we wait until we see a heartbeat a few weeks later?

Naturally, should we be unsuccessful on our first try, I will share that information right away.  But if our little miracle does occur on the first try, should I share the news and take you all on the next stage of our journey with me (that being the wait for a heartbeat), or, should I go into hiding?

Please...I beg of you...post your votes below!  I have deactivated our comment approval feature, so your vote and feedback will become available instantly, and, you may place your vote and any comments anonymously.

So please...share your thoughts...I'm so torn on this that I'm really turning to my readers on this one!

I'll post more tomorrow after my morning ultrasound and blood work.  Until then, please vote in our comments section!

Cheers!