Hello from Ashley...

Hello,

I thought I might introduce myself, I’m Ashley, Suzi and George’s Gestational Carrier.  I figured I might tell my story to help you understand both sides of the Surrogacy journey! 

I am 26 years old, a wife to Jason and a mother of 2 beautiful children, Benjamin- 5 and Caitlynn- 3!  They are amazing and I couldn’t imagine life without them! I am a General Manager for a mid-sized hotel and have been in the industry for 10 years. I am proud of my life and what I have accomplished and wouldn’t be where I am today without the help and support of my friends and family and of course, my faith.  Family is everything! 

For starters, I registered with Reproductive Possibilities after a good friend’s sister told me of her issues with not being able to have children.  I felt it in my heart that I was blessed with a gift, the gift of being able to have children when so many that wanted children could not have them.  Three people in my close extended family wanted a child so badly and due to one reason or another, were not able to have this child they so desperately wanted.  I knew that if this was meant for me to do that it would work out.  So, I sat on a “will not abort” list. I waited, and waited, and waited.  

Why will you not abort, you might ask? - Easy. I have an uncle that was blessed with Down’s Syndrome.  I can’t imagine life without him! And literally, if you answer no to the question- Will you abort for Down’s Syndrome? -then you automatically go on this list! Crazy!! I believe that every baby should have a chance at life, and who are we to stop them! Fun fact: 90% of all gestational carriers are on the will abort list.  There are only a handful of us that are on this other list. Most intended parents want to have the “say so”. This is one of the reasons Suzi and I are on the same page… ask her!

Well, after waiting for what seemed like forever, I got a phone call in the middle of the day in December 2011 from Reproductive Possibilities.  Are you still interested? YES!!! A thousand times, YES! She informed me that we could potentially have a match and when could I be on a conference call with the potential Intended Parents.  Well, I made Jason work at the hotel that day (free labor ;-), so we were both in the same building and for us that is HUGE… so she set us up for a phone call that day!

Right off the bat Suzi and I were finishing each other’s sentences.  What I didn’t say, she said.  A question I had, she asked it.  It was like we were always meant to do this.  Our coordinator even said she had never had a phone call quite like that.  She really didn’t even need to be on, it went that smoothly!  Ah, this was meant to be! We had 24 hours to think it through and make sure that we wanted to go through with this and I knew right away, I didn’t call right away because I wanted Jason to sleep on it.  After all, his wife is going to have someone else’s baby in her… think about that one! He texted me at 7am the next morning asking if I had called yet because he was excited about this and he was totally on board!  Needless to say, I was on the phone with Reproductive Possibilities the next minute.  

As Suzi mentioned in a post prior, I had issues with my gall bladder and had to have it removed a week before I was scheduled to go to PA to have testing done.  Oh that plane ride was painful.  Good thing there was ice on that plane and I brought my ice pack. I knew that I needed to “man up” and get this done so we could move forward with the process and by golly, we were not going to be delayed because of my stupid gall bladder!  We flew up on Wednesday night, and after picking apart the hotel, having my husband fix something in the elevator that drove me nuts and trying to tune out the construction noise in the room, (yes I’m certifiable, comes with the job) we were in bed by 1am and at the clinic for a full day at 8am. (7am my time) LONG DAY! 

We met Suzi and George for the first time face to face! OMG!!! It was like we had known them for years!  It was totally natural and I just felt assured, like I had made the right decision to continue with the process. Such a wonderful feeling!

Back home and back to work.  I healed up from my surgery, Spring Break aka Hell Week came and went, and here we are!  So totally excited for this journey to continue!  

Words cannot express the feelings that I have for Suzi, George and their family.  Such amazing people and I am so excited with the fact that I get to assist in helping them create the family they want so much; I am completely honored!  Honored that they chose me, honored that Suzi shares with me what most people in our situation do not.  We are not the average Intended Mother/ Gestational Carrier out there.  

My hope is that we can change the face of surrogacy and make it to where more people will follow our lead.  As a GS, how can you not get to know your Intended Parents to the fullest extent?! And as an IP how can you not get to know the person who is carrying your child?  Personally, if the roles were reversed, it would be much like the movie “Baby Mama”; I would move in with my GS just to make sure she was doing everything right… But, I am a bit strange that way J… I just have so much respect for them, that we are all going down this path together!  I am so excited to see what the future has for all of us!  So excited to get to text her in the middle of the day when her baby is moving and shaking… to call her in the middle of the night to tell her I want ice cream… (no I will not be doing that)… and I can’t wait for the day when they are on a plane to come here to meet their baby!  It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it!

Well it was nice meeting all of you, and I hope that Suzi lets me on here every once in a while!  I don’t have much to say… ha ha ha… other than I am so excited!!!

              

So...What's Happened to Date?

While I figure our first few posts will be somewhat of a snooze, I realized I have to do a little housekeeping to get my blog followers up to speed.  A lot has happened over the past two years, but, it's all occurred behind the scenes and on the down-low as we didn't want to even mention this process until we were 100% certain we would be able to proceed with it.  Here is our run-down to date (well, at least what I can remember of it!).

Getting Started: The Medical Testing
George and I actually began this process three years ago.  We knew very early into our relationship that we would get married, and, we wanted to see how much time we had before my eggs would become too old for this process (yes, this thought crossed my mind when I was 32 years old).  So, the first thing George and I did was have a consultation with our reproductive doctor, Dr. Castelbaum, at RMA Philadelphia.  He really put George and me through the ringer!  We had more tubes of blood drawn than I could possibly remember, and, he checked for everything from common iron deficiencies to communicable diseases.  As I can't stand the sight of blood, it was a riot.

Next, Dr. Castelbaum wanted to make sure my eggs were healthy enough to proceed with gestational surrogacy.  Surprisingly, he told me he's had to turn more patients away due to poor egg quality than he's been able to proceed with.  This made me a nervous wreck!  It took three months of blood draws to figure this out, but once we did, we learned that I actually have the egg quality and ovarian function of a 25 year old.  Hooray!  At that point, Dr. Castelbaum gave us a the green light to proceed.

Getting Started: The Psychological Evaluation
Once Dr. Castelbaum told us were were "a go," we had to undergo an evaluation with a psychologist who only deals with gestational surrogacy (this was an eye opener - we thought we were a rare breed, but it turns out women are having babies via gestational surrogacy all over the tri-state area!).  This may shock you, but, she confirmed we are not crazy!!!  This evaluation was thorough, but easy, as we are very level-headed about the situation.  This is the only way we can have a biological child, and, the psychologist told us we were one of the most prepared couples she has ever worked with.  Score #2!

Getting Started: Hiring a Reproductive Lawyer
To this I say, "Oh my."  In our area the only agency most doctors (including Dr. Castelbaum and our psychologist) really recommend is Reproductive Possibilities.  I'm not going to lie - their fees are *steep*.  This caused the greatest delay in our surrogacy journey as we tried finding a gestational surrogate independently, but after two years, we realized we just weren't going to find the right match for us.  So, we signed our agreement and sent a fat check to the agency to get us started.

Getting Started: Getting "Matched" with the Perfect Gestational Surrogate
When George and I signed our agreement to begin our gestational surrogacy process, we were told it could take four to six months to find the perfect match.  However, once our Intended Parent Coordinator (IPC) reviewed our paperwork, she discovered something that would be a huge benefit to us.  George and I landed on the "will not abort" list, which means we would not terminate our pregnancy if the baby had Down's Syndrome.  According to our IPC, somewhere around 95% of her intended parents land on the "will abort" list, and, this makes it a little more time consuming for those intended parents to find the perfect match as there are more IP's than gestational surrogates available.  Once she realized we landed on the "will not abort list" we were  matched one week after we submitted our agreement.  Why?  Because there are more gestational surrogates who also fall into the "will not abort list" than there are intended parents who share the same views.  In fact, Ashley waited two years for us to come along, and, we were the first couple she met.

The matching process can definitely be nerve-wracking, but for George and me, it wasn't at all.  We first met Ashley and her husband over the phone, and, our conversation was moderated by our IPC.  Thankfully, this call was not stressful for us at all - we knew almost instantly that Ashley was the perfect gestational surrogate for us.  I could instantly tell she had a heart of gold and a spine of steel - in other words, she has a brass set, just like me, and I loved that quality about her.

Getting Started: Ashley Comes to Philadelphia
Poor, poor Ashley.  As she had previous problems with her gall bladder, her doctor recommended she have it removed prior to proceeding with a pregnancy, as there was a risk that little bugger could act up at the worst possible time.  So, only one week before Ashley was scheduled to come to Philadelphia to meet us, Dr. Castelbaum and his team, and undergo her psychological evaluation, she had her gall bladder removed.  Honestly, I don't know how she did it.  Her flight out here had a layover, making it a very long trip for someone who just had abdominal surgery only one week prior.  Again...this woman is tough as nails, and, I love it!  I did try to encourage Ashley to reschedule her trip out here, but, she wouldn't hear of it.  She had committed to coming, and come hell or high water, she was getting on that plane!  I really felt awful for her - she didn't get settled into her hotel room until after midnight, and, she had to be at RMA Philadelphia by 8:00 the next morning to begin what would be a full day of medical and psychological screenings followed by her return flight home (which, again, included a layover).  George and I just felt awful for her, but, she was a real trooper.

I will never forget the first time I met Ashley and her husband in person.  While Ashley was finishing up her screenings, her husband greeted us in the waiting room, and, he gave me a huge smile and a big hug.  This was such a relief - I could sense he was a kind man over the telephone, but, his comfort level with George and me was very reassuring.  Once Ashley came out to meet us, we literally hugged each other like we were long lost friends seeing each other for the first time in ages.  We both gave each other the biggest squeeze, and, the rest of the day was all happy sailing from there.

Getting Started: Where are we now?
As I had a pulmonary embolism when I was 27 years old due to a now extinct form of birth control, my medical team put me on Coumadin to thin my blood so I would not develop a blood clot from the fertility drugs I will soon be injecting myself with.  I'll be honest - Coumadin is no picnic.  A few weeks ago, when my INR was just 1.9 (the desired range is 2.0-3.0; the higher the number, the thinner the blood), I developed an internal bleed.  Talk about crappy luck!  So, I spent a week in the hospital to be monitored while I was bleeding, and once it stopped, I had surgery to remove the pancake-sized hematoma that decided to form in my pelvic cavity, making it practically impossible for me to simply walk upright.  Understandably, this bleed made us a little nervous as I'm going to be on Coumadin for a few more months, but, my surgeon, pulminologist, and family doctor all agreed the bleed was a freak event that is not uncommon for women on Coumadin.  Lovely...let's just hope that doesn't happen again.

About two weeks ago George and I met with the IVF nurse at RMA Philadelphia so she could instruct me on how to inject myself with the medications that will over-stimulate my ovaries to produce about eight eggs on each one, whereas women typically release only one egg during their menstrual cycle.  This was a riot.  Debacle #1: The IVF nurse gave me a little jelly pad to put over my belly, and, I had to take a syringe and inject it into this phony belly the way I would with my real medication.  Natch, I jammed the needle in so hard that it bent in three different places.  Thankfully, my lack of abdominal exercises will actually benefit me during this process, as it is much easier to inject the needles into fat than muscle.

In July, Ashley and I will both begin taking our medications to prepare our bodies for the embryo transfer.  The medications supposedly don't have too many side effects, however, the one that is most common is a headache...not great news to a migraine sufferer like me.  Thankfully, the IVF nurse told me I can take whatever I need to cope with the headache for the three weeks I am taking the hormone injections.  Then, in August, the big day will come...Ashley will be here for our embryo transfer, and, God willing, the fun will really begin.

I have to admit that I am a nervous wreck about the transfer - all kinds of scary thoughts have entered my mind.  "What if it doesn't take?"  "What if all three of the embryos take and split, resulting in a sextuplet pregnancy?"  "What if we have a miscarriage?"  In this situation, I feel more like an expectant father than mother; I feel that it is my job to protect and keep my baby (babies?) and Ashley safe at all costs.  Poor Ashley...when she's pregnant I'll probably drive her crazy calling her to make sure she's okay, but, she's at least accepting of the fact that I will worry sick about her and our little bambino!

So, that's where we stand now.  Our contracts have been finalized and signed, and, our transfer will be sometime in August.  Oh!  You may be wondering why we chose August as our transfer date.  Well, Georgie is a CPA, and, he wanted the baby to be born after his "busy season" so he could stay home with me during our baby's first few weeks of life.  He's made it clear he doesn't want to miss a minute of it, so, an August transfer will give us a May due date.  Additionally, if our first attempt doesn't work, a second shot will still ensure the baby is born after George's busy season.

Whew that was long!  Now that you're caught up to speed, you are officially ready to join us on our surrogacy journey.  Thank you for taking the time to read our blog and get caught up on our process!  I promise we'll keep this blog current...except for when we conceive.  I'm a little superstitious, so if I start acting funny in the early fall, you know why!  ;)

FAQ: We're Answering the Questions we are Most Commonly Asked...

The instant George and I tell someone we are having a baby via gestational surrogacy, we are immediately bombarded with a ton of questions, and, we've noticed that almost everybody seems to ask us the same thing.  So, we figured we'd simplify things and cover the basics.  I do realize some of my responses to our FAQ's are a little snarky, but in all honestly, the responses just match the silliness of the questions that have been posed to us!  Trust me...I'm a fun girl and I don't bite!  You'll see as you take this amazing journey with us.  :)

Have a burning question we haven't answered here?  Feel free to ask away!  Please do not fret if your question doesn't appear the instant you submit it.  Due to spammers, we have decided to moderate all comments and approve them prior to posting.

And now, without further ado...your questions answered!

Q: Why can't you have a baby "the normal way?"
A: Simply put, I had surgery a few years ago that made it impossible for me to have any more children.  That's all!  However, there are women out there who choose not to carry their own children for slightly more unusual reasons. For instance, we heard of one woman pursuing gestational surrogacy because she "doesn't have time to be pregnant."  George and I both hope this woman has enough time to raise her baby!

Q: Why don't you just adopt?
A: Our decision to have a biological child is a very personal matter that we have chosen not to post on a public blog.   However, we do want our new baby to have a sibling close in age as our blended family includes three older children who are all best friends.  We want our next child to have this same sibling bond, and, if we do not have enough embryos left after this gestational surrogacy, we will adopt a child close in age to our surrogate baby.

Q: Can your gestational surrogate "steal" your baby?
A: No, she can't!  This question often makes us laugh to be honest!  As the baby will be 100% ours genetically, our attorney will process a document called a "Pre-Birth Order" (P.B.O.) in the fourth month of our gestational surrogate's pregnancy to ensure that our names are placed on the baby's birth certificate.  Additionally, we were matched with our surrogate through a law firm that only practices reproductive law.  You can learn more about our agency, Reproductive Possibilities, here.  And lastly, we've already established an amazing bond with our gestational surrogate, and, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to take our baby home from the hospital after she gives birth.  ;)

Q: Have you been matched with a gestational surrogate?
A: Yes, we have!  Our surrogate has granted us permission to post about her on our blog, so, here we go!  Our gestational surrogate's name is Ashley, and, she is simply amazing.  For a woman to be so selfless as to commit to giving us a baby is nothing short of a miracle.  George and I were matched with Ashley and her husband the week after Christmas of 2011, and, Ashley and I have been in touch practically nonstop ever since.  In fact, we have grown so close that I, along with my sister Jenna who has also met Ashley, consider her to be family.  Our relationship definitely will not end after our baby is born - in fact, our Intended Parent Coordinator said she has never seen a more perfect match when the intended mother (me) and the gestational surrogate get along so well.  We were finishing each others sentences the first time we ever met, and, Ashley has become somewhat of a sister to me who just popped into my life when I was 35 years old.  She's a saint!

Q: You've had health problems in the past.  Are you sure it's a good idea to have a baby?
A: Again, this is another question that makes us laugh!  For starters, this question is kind of rude.  In recent years I did suffer from horrible pain due to a herniated disc I developed after a car accident.
One of the major factors in my decision to undergo spine surgery to correct this problem was my desire to have more children.  Beyond that, unless Irritable Bowel Syndrome is considered a medical reason not to have a child, we're in the clear.  If anybody needs more assurance beyond what I've listed here, I was forced to undergo a grueling physical and *tons* of lab work to make sure I was healthy enough to do this.  So, please rest assured...RMA Philadelphia would not allow a "sick" woman to undergo this process.

Q: Are you crazy???!!!  Your kids are so old and going back to a diaper bag is very difficult - plus you're 35 years old!!!
B: Um, no, I am not crazy.  The last time I checked, the age of 35 (or 36, the age I'll be when our child is born) was still considered "young enough" to have a child.  Being as though I shockingly have the ovarian function of a 25 year old, I think I'll be just fine, but, thank you for your concern.  As for going back to the "foggy baby days," it's a transition no matter how old your other children are.  Occasionally women tell me they "hated" having children so far apart in age.  Yes, these are the same people who ask if I'm crazy.  I never verbally respond to such comments, but, I do feel sorry for the women who make them.

Q: What are you going to do if you have twins?
A: Um...raise them?  Oh...and,I guess we'll have to buy a bigger home to accommodate the newest members of our family.

Q: This whole process creeps me out.
A: I can't do anything about that.  Sorry, not helpful, I know!

I think that covers the most frequently asked questions George and I are asked.  Again if you have a question for us, submit it in the "Comments" field below and we'll gladly answer it for you!

Cheers!

Welcome!

George and I would like to give you a warm welcome to our gestational surrogacy blog - we are so thrilled you're here! Our hope is that our blog will help you learn more about us, our decision to pursue gestational surrogacy in the hopes of having a baby together, and provide a general education in gestational surrogacy as a whole.

Thank you for stopping by, and, please visit often!  We have a ton of information that we can't wait to share with you.  Our hope is that, by the time our surrogacy is complete and we are holding our new baby in our arms, a lot of the stigmas associated with gestational surrogacy will disappear, and, you will find the process is a lot less complicated and uncommon as you may think.

Buckle your seatbelts...we're about to take you on one heck of a wild, adventurous ride!

Cheers!