So...What's Happened to Date?

While I figure our first few posts will be somewhat of a snooze, I realized I have to do a little housekeeping to get my blog followers up to speed.  A lot has happened over the past two years, but, it's all occurred behind the scenes and on the down-low as we didn't want to even mention this process until we were 100% certain we would be able to proceed with it.  Here is our run-down to date (well, at least what I can remember of it!).

Getting Started: The Medical Testing
George and I actually began this process three years ago.  We knew very early into our relationship that we would get married, and, we wanted to see how much time we had before my eggs would become too old for this process (yes, this thought crossed my mind when I was 32 years old).  So, the first thing George and I did was have a consultation with our reproductive doctor, Dr. Castelbaum, at RMA Philadelphia.  He really put George and me through the ringer!  We had more tubes of blood drawn than I could possibly remember, and, he checked for everything from common iron deficiencies to communicable diseases.  As I can't stand the sight of blood, it was a riot.

Next, Dr. Castelbaum wanted to make sure my eggs were healthy enough to proceed with gestational surrogacy.  Surprisingly, he told me he's had to turn more patients away due to poor egg quality than he's been able to proceed with.  This made me a nervous wreck!  It took three months of blood draws to figure this out, but once we did, we learned that I actually have the egg quality and ovarian function of a 25 year old.  Hooray!  At that point, Dr. Castelbaum gave us a the green light to proceed.

Getting Started: The Psychological Evaluation
Once Dr. Castelbaum told us were were "a go," we had to undergo an evaluation with a psychologist who only deals with gestational surrogacy (this was an eye opener - we thought we were a rare breed, but it turns out women are having babies via gestational surrogacy all over the tri-state area!).  This may shock you, but, she confirmed we are not crazy!!!  This evaluation was thorough, but easy, as we are very level-headed about the situation.  This is the only way we can have a biological child, and, the psychologist told us we were one of the most prepared couples she has ever worked with.  Score #2!

Getting Started: Hiring a Reproductive Lawyer
To this I say, "Oh my."  In our area the only agency most doctors (including Dr. Castelbaum and our psychologist) really recommend is Reproductive Possibilities.  I'm not going to lie - their fees are *steep*.  This caused the greatest delay in our surrogacy journey as we tried finding a gestational surrogate independently, but after two years, we realized we just weren't going to find the right match for us.  So, we signed our agreement and sent a fat check to the agency to get us started.

Getting Started: Getting "Matched" with the Perfect Gestational Surrogate
When George and I signed our agreement to begin our gestational surrogacy process, we were told it could take four to six months to find the perfect match.  However, once our Intended Parent Coordinator (IPC) reviewed our paperwork, she discovered something that would be a huge benefit to us.  George and I landed on the "will not abort" list, which means we would not terminate our pregnancy if the baby had Down's Syndrome.  According to our IPC, somewhere around 95% of her intended parents land on the "will abort" list, and, this makes it a little more time consuming for those intended parents to find the perfect match as there are more IP's than gestational surrogates available.  Once she realized we landed on the "will not abort list" we were  matched one week after we submitted our agreement.  Why?  Because there are more gestational surrogates who also fall into the "will not abort list" than there are intended parents who share the same views.  In fact, Ashley waited two years for us to come along, and, we were the first couple she met.

The matching process can definitely be nerve-wracking, but for George and me, it wasn't at all.  We first met Ashley and her husband over the phone, and, our conversation was moderated by our IPC.  Thankfully, this call was not stressful for us at all - we knew almost instantly that Ashley was the perfect gestational surrogate for us.  I could instantly tell she had a heart of gold and a spine of steel - in other words, she has a brass set, just like me, and I loved that quality about her.

Getting Started: Ashley Comes to Philadelphia
Poor, poor Ashley.  As she had previous problems with her gall bladder, her doctor recommended she have it removed prior to proceeding with a pregnancy, as there was a risk that little bugger could act up at the worst possible time.  So, only one week before Ashley was scheduled to come to Philadelphia to meet us, Dr. Castelbaum and his team, and undergo her psychological evaluation, she had her gall bladder removed.  Honestly, I don't know how she did it.  Her flight out here had a layover, making it a very long trip for someone who just had abdominal surgery only one week prior.  Again...this woman is tough as nails, and, I love it!  I did try to encourage Ashley to reschedule her trip out here, but, she wouldn't hear of it.  She had committed to coming, and come hell or high water, she was getting on that plane!  I really felt awful for her - she didn't get settled into her hotel room until after midnight, and, she had to be at RMA Philadelphia by 8:00 the next morning to begin what would be a full day of medical and psychological screenings followed by her return flight home (which, again, included a layover).  George and I just felt awful for her, but, she was a real trooper.

I will never forget the first time I met Ashley and her husband in person.  While Ashley was finishing up her screenings, her husband greeted us in the waiting room, and, he gave me a huge smile and a big hug.  This was such a relief - I could sense he was a kind man over the telephone, but, his comfort level with George and me was very reassuring.  Once Ashley came out to meet us, we literally hugged each other like we were long lost friends seeing each other for the first time in ages.  We both gave each other the biggest squeeze, and, the rest of the day was all happy sailing from there.

Getting Started: Where are we now?
As I had a pulmonary embolism when I was 27 years old due to a now extinct form of birth control, my medical team put me on Coumadin to thin my blood so I would not develop a blood clot from the fertility drugs I will soon be injecting myself with.  I'll be honest - Coumadin is no picnic.  A few weeks ago, when my INR was just 1.9 (the desired range is 2.0-3.0; the higher the number, the thinner the blood), I developed an internal bleed.  Talk about crappy luck!  So, I spent a week in the hospital to be monitored while I was bleeding, and once it stopped, I had surgery to remove the pancake-sized hematoma that decided to form in my pelvic cavity, making it practically impossible for me to simply walk upright.  Understandably, this bleed made us a little nervous as I'm going to be on Coumadin for a few more months, but, my surgeon, pulminologist, and family doctor all agreed the bleed was a freak event that is not uncommon for women on Coumadin.  Lovely...let's just hope that doesn't happen again.

About two weeks ago George and I met with the IVF nurse at RMA Philadelphia so she could instruct me on how to inject myself with the medications that will over-stimulate my ovaries to produce about eight eggs on each one, whereas women typically release only one egg during their menstrual cycle.  This was a riot.  Debacle #1: The IVF nurse gave me a little jelly pad to put over my belly, and, I had to take a syringe and inject it into this phony belly the way I would with my real medication.  Natch, I jammed the needle in so hard that it bent in three different places.  Thankfully, my lack of abdominal exercises will actually benefit me during this process, as it is much easier to inject the needles into fat than muscle.

In July, Ashley and I will both begin taking our medications to prepare our bodies for the embryo transfer.  The medications supposedly don't have too many side effects, however, the one that is most common is a headache...not great news to a migraine sufferer like me.  Thankfully, the IVF nurse told me I can take whatever I need to cope with the headache for the three weeks I am taking the hormone injections.  Then, in August, the big day will come...Ashley will be here for our embryo transfer, and, God willing, the fun will really begin.

I have to admit that I am a nervous wreck about the transfer - all kinds of scary thoughts have entered my mind.  "What if it doesn't take?"  "What if all three of the embryos take and split, resulting in a sextuplet pregnancy?"  "What if we have a miscarriage?"  In this situation, I feel more like an expectant father than mother; I feel that it is my job to protect and keep my baby (babies?) and Ashley safe at all costs.  Poor Ashley...when she's pregnant I'll probably drive her crazy calling her to make sure she's okay, but, she's at least accepting of the fact that I will worry sick about her and our little bambino!

So, that's where we stand now.  Our contracts have been finalized and signed, and, our transfer will be sometime in August.  Oh!  You may be wondering why we chose August as our transfer date.  Well, Georgie is a CPA, and, he wanted the baby to be born after his "busy season" so he could stay home with me during our baby's first few weeks of life.  He's made it clear he doesn't want to miss a minute of it, so, an August transfer will give us a May due date.  Additionally, if our first attempt doesn't work, a second shot will still ensure the baby is born after George's busy season.

Whew that was long!  Now that you're caught up to speed, you are officially ready to join us on our surrogacy journey.  Thank you for taking the time to read our blog and get caught up on our process!  I promise we'll keep this blog current...except for when we conceive.  I'm a little superstitious, so if I start acting funny in the early fall, you know why!  ;)