A Little Sign from Above...

Happy Hump Day!

I figured I'd share a lighthearted post to give you all a break from the icky scientific portion of this process.

George and I began dabbling into the world of gestational surrogacy ages ago.  I'd say it was at least two to three years ago - probably more like three.

At that time, support of a possible gestational surrogacy was pretty low amongst our family and friends.  We've heard everything from fears that Ashley will steal our baby to the accusation that it is wrong to do this when so many children are available for adoption.

Now, one of our greatest supporters was my mother, Susan.  She never once questioned our judgement - she didn't care what it took - she just wanted George and I to share the journey of a new baby together, and, she was just full of joy that, despite an emergency hysterctomy at the age of 29, medicine offered me the opportunity to have another baby (thank God I saved those ovaries!).  Simply put, my mother was an amazing woman with the biggest heart you could imagine, and, it saddens me that to think that she will never meet my child.

This is the last photo that was taken of my mother and me together.

With that said, when my mother suddenly and tragically passed away in January 2010, George and I put our surrogacy plans on hold.  Understandably, I was just not in any condition to begin such a huge process as I was recovering from such a devastating loss.  Then, out of the blue, a message from heaven arrived right on my front step.  It was a package from one of my designers, and, I was baffled as I had not placed an order to be delivered to my home.

Now, to give you a little inside information, the instant George and I agreed we would pursue gestational surrogacy, we chose the name, "Hope" should we have a baby girl.  I think the reasoning behind this is obvious.  Which leads us back to that mysterious package.  I opened it, and almost fell over when the package contained four wooden wall letters: H-O-P-E.  I contacted the designer to see where they were meant to ship to as I was certain it was a mistake, and, they had no record of such an order in their system.  So, George and I took that as a sign from above that my mother was giving us a little nudge from heaven; we interpreted it to be her way of giving us a kick in the tush to have our baby.  It also gave me an overwhelming sense of peace that everything would work out okay.

So, thank you Mother for giving us the courage to proceed - really, I know she wouldn't have it any other way.  And if we do in fact have a baby girl, we have been able to creatively modify the name, "Hope" to flow beautifully with her middle name, and, I'm sure you can guess whom a baby girl's name would be in honor of.  :)

Love and Peace!

We're Monitoring!

Greetings and Thank You!

Hello happy readers!  I hope you all had a wonderful Fourth of July surrounded by loving family and friends!

Before I proceed with our update, I must give you all a HUGE thank you for the love and support you have shown to Ashley, Jason, George, and me.  I have received more emails, texts, phone calls, etc. from readers expressing their support, prayers for a good outcome, you name it!  We have received nothing but positive thoughts and feedback, which makes this blog so meaningful to me.  When we started our blog, we expected readers to wonder or even ask me why I would so publicly share an experience that is deeply personal.  To my surprise, nobody, not one person, has asked me this question (though I'm sure some still wonder).  Before this journey even began, I fully intended to be open about our surrogacy.  Why?  I have many reasons.

First of all, I honestly was shocked at the stigma surrounding surrogacy - this was expressed to me by close relatives, friends, you name it.  In the beginning, only a handful of rock stars in my inner circle completely embraced the idea, and, they were nothing but supportive.  So, one goal I had was to knock down that wall of secrecy about surrogacy.  I was hoping people would just open their minds a little bit; I never expected the amount of private messages people would send me asking how they can get started on their own journey.  I've been simply amazed that my blog has not only opened your minds to accepting surrogacy, but that it has inspired many readers to address their own struggles with infertility.

I also feel so honored that our blog has given people the courage to privately reach out to me and say, "I can't get pregnant."  This has actually been a blessing to me and our readers.  First of all, I had no idea so many of my friends are experiencing the same struggles I am.  Secondly, I'm so proud of each and every person who has taken that intimidating first step of confiding in me by sharing their struggles.  It's not easy for many women to admit that they are experiencing trouble conceiving when they are surrounded by friends and family who seem to be having no trouble at all.  So, every time a woman confides in me, I'm ready to cry with her, share medical referrals with her, etc.  Girlfriends, let's continue to stick together.  Where there's a will (and often that will has to be pretty darn strong), there is a way.  I can't tell you how often I'm seen around town and someone tells me they love my blog and beg me to keep up with it.  So my readers, our journey has now become your journey too.  We're taking you along with us...just please remember to buckle your seat belts!

What's New?
Two weeks ago I went for my first monitoring blood test.  That let Dr. Castelbaum know where I am in my cycle.  Today I went back for my second monitoring blood test, and, that was to confirm that I ovulated and that my cycle is regular and my eggs are still healthy.  Thankfully, all is well and we didn't experience any shockers or a shift in our game plan.

Over the last two weeks, Ashley and I both received our massive stockpiles of fertility drugs, syringes, and little red bio-hazard containers to put our needles in after injection.  It's daunting...take a peek below.

Ashley's Drugs...I especially love the healthy yogurt in the background!

My Drugs...I especially love Maddy's elementary school Mother's Day gift (top left)!

What's Next?
Once Ashley begins her next cycle (sometime over the next few days), she'll begin taking her birth control pills to begin forcing her cycle to coordinate with mine (most Intended Mothers also take birth control pills, but for safety reasons, I will not).  In two weeks I go back for blood draw number three to make sure I'll be starting my drugs at the right time.  Two weeks after that (four weeks from today), Ashley and I will both begin injecting ourselves with Lupron to shut down our bodies' normal hormone production so Dr. Castelbaum can control my cycle, and, be sure the Ashley's uterus is ready to receive our embryos at the exact time for the best chance of success.  In layman's terms, Ashley and I are being thrown into temporary menopause.  Hello hot flashes...meet 24-7 fanning.  George and Jason, brace yourselves and know that Ashley and I are always right during the month of August...trust me, you won't want to cross us.

And After That?
Eventually, Ashley's cycle will be a week ahead of mine so her uterus is ready when my eggs are fertilized.  Thrill seekers, don't be disappointed...Ashley and I will add a winning combination of estrogen patches, fertility injections, antibiotic pills, you name it, to our daily regimen.  This will all take place after we begin our Lupron in four weeks, and, I'll provide more specifics at that time.  But in summary, our transfer is expected to take place at the end of August.

When Will You Know if You're Pregnant?
Ahh!!!  This is such a hairy question for us.  We will know within two weeks after the transfer (our guesstimate is mid-September) if a little Sabo (or two!) is on the way.  Initially, I thought I would update our blog right away if a pregnancy did not develop.  I also thought I would keep it a secret if we were pregnant as I'm superstitious, especially as I had one miscarriage during the last week of my first trimester, and a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that somehow made its way past the early stages of pregnancy to become large enough to become life threatening for me.  Anyway, I put a lot of thought into this, and, I think out of fairness, our readers should see everything we experience.  When we welcomed (or drug) you along on our journey, we fully intended to share the good and the bad with you.  While we can make a baby, we can endure disappointments and heartache along the way.

With that thought in mind, I don't think it's fair to our readers to portray our journey as a consistently rosy experience if it is not.  God willing, you won't be shedding any (sad) tears with us and we'll all be cheering and celebrating every step of the way.  Thankfully, that's how it's been for us so far, and, we're all remaining very optimistic.  In addition to us both having a brass set, Ashley and I both have a strong belief in God, and, we already agreed I will be holding her hand during our transfer, and, in between our hands will be my favorite rose-scented rosary beads.  Surrogacy is not for the emotionally weak, but that's not to say we don't believe in stacking the deck.  I've prayed to God and my mother, who's in heaven with Him and was always our greatest supporter, to look over the four of us during this process, and, I fully believe they have our backs.  Putting this in God's hands has helped me forget about the anxiety, has kept me from looking too far from today in this process, and, has just kept me very optimistic and thankful for our medical team who've devoted their lives to blessing couples like George and me with the science to allow us to welcome a new member of our growing family. 

So, in the end, I think I will tell you if we have a positive pregnancy test, but, I will also follow that up with a disclaimer that nothing is confirmed until we have a heartbeat (or two...).  Thankfully, if this does work on the first try, Ashley will be monitored very closely with very frequent blood tests and ultrasounds, so, we'll know very soon if a pregnancy is expected to be successful or not.

Hmm...I think I've thrown enough at you for one post!  Again, thank you all so much for the countless prayers, hugs, messages, and just plain old positivity you've sent our way.  We feel the love and it is a huge source of support to us!  We never anticipated such a warm response to our blog, and, it's been a most pleasant surprise!

Hugs and Kisses!