Our Blogging Hiatus has Begun...

Hello all!  Happy Labor Day!

I can't believe I'm writing this post already - the last two weeks have been a total whirlwind both emotionally and physically - but, my egg retrieval date snuck up on us much sooner than anybody (including our doctors and IVF nurse) anticipated.  So, for the first time all week, I'm home alone with just my dogs and my laptop.  No television, no nothing.  So, I figured it was time to write my final blog post before we know whether or not we're having a baby.

What Happened?
My reproductive system has officially been dubbed, "The Little Body that Could."  When our  journey began, we were told I would begin having ultrasounds and blood work every other day, and then every day as my little eggies grew closer to their retrieval date.  Well, to everybody's surprise, my body took to the medicine like white on rice, and, I never had those "every other day" ultrasounds.  I had my first ultrasound, and, our medical plan changed instantly.  Our fear of not developing enough eggs was quickly changed to a new fear of developing too many eggs.  As of today (Thursday, August 30th), I have 18 eggs ready for retrieval.  My stomach is huge, it hurts, I can't eat, and, I live in anything without buttons.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself...

2 Days Pre-Retrieval.  We call this, "Suzi and her 20 babies!"

Today I had my last ultrasound before our first attempt at having a baby.  I was just in awe staring at all 19 eggs that have made each of my ovaries the size of softballs, and, I couldn't help but to say out loud, "Wow...One of them could grow to be my baby."  It was kind of surreal but very peaceful.  It was one of the only ultrasounds George didn't go to with me, and a part of me wished he had been there to see it, and another part of me kind of enjoyed being alone staring at my "20 babies."  Yep...that's our new nickname..."Suzi and her 20 babies."

After my blood draw and ultrasound I was given my post-op instructions along with my instructions for the one, final injection I will give myself tonight.  Tomorrow (Friday, August 31st), I will go to RMA Philadelphia for one last blood draw, and then, Saturday morning, I will report to the surgical center at 7:00 a.m. for my egg retrieval.

What Have We Done Over the Last Few Days?
Ashley got here on Wednesday, August 29th.  After I was almost an hour late picking her and her adorable son Benjamin up from the airport, we drove to my house to get them settled in their current digs (my son's camp themed bedroom).  George and I then took our three kids, Ashley, and Benjamin out to dinner so the kids could meet the fabulous woman who has offered to carry their new baby brother or sister (or both!) on behalf of their mom and dad.  Tonight, George and his daughter took Ashley and Benjamin to a Trenton Thunder game (I had to stay home as my last injection had to be given at 7:30 p.m. on the dot...not 7:25, not 7:35...7:30 precisely!).


Backtracking a bit, this morning, after I got home from my final ultrasound, George drove me to my mother's grave.  I went there to pray, to tell her how much I wished she was here, and just to have some peaceful time with the woman I so desperately wish I could call for guidance during this time.  This ranks right up there with getting married without her; It's hard, and, it just sucks that she's not here by my side.  But, somehow, I do have faith that she is by my side, and, that she's played a little role in our successes to date.

One of the last gifts my mother gave me.  "A Mother Is Love."  She sure is...

What's Next?
Tomorrow night, the people I am closest to (George, Ashley, and my best friend Denise) will spend time at my house to help me remain calm and positive as my nerves are just about shot right now.  Without the love and support of those three, I would have never made it this far without having a complete breakdown.  George, Ashley, and Denise, I love you and appreciate your more than you will ever know.

On Saturday morning, George, Ashley, and I all have to report to the surgical center at 7:00 a.m.  I'll head into the operating room, and while I'm there, George will be doing what he has to do in order to give the embryologist a "fresh" sperm sample to inject into my little eggies, and, Ashley will be having blood work and an ultrasound while I'm  in the recovery room.

When I return home, I will resume taking my Coumadin to prevent the development of a blood clot as my hormones get back to normal.  Additionally, I will also resume my abdominal injections of Lupron which will make my ovaries shrink to their normal size.


From there, the embryologist will call us later in the day on Saturday and Sunday to let us know how our embryos are doing, which I think is adorable.  Some day, God willing, I'll be able to tell my child I received medical updates about him or her while they were developing in a petri dish!  I also think it's kind of cute because, again, God willing, George and I will take on our first parental duties making decisions pertaining to our own child.  It's just amazing and miraculous - I really have no other words for it.

Depending upon how our embryos grow, they will either be transferred into Ashley's uterus on Tuesday, September 4th, or Thursday, September 6th.  We then begin our ever-stressful "two week wait."  So, in less than three weeks, we'll know whether or not we are pregnant.

As I spoke to our IVF nurse today, she wanted me to remember that the odds are in our favor.  My eggs grew fantastically, Ashley's uterine lining is perfectly thick for an embryo to attach to...really, even our stiff-lipped doctor said, "This has been a beautiful cycle."  I did ask the, "What are our odds?" question, and, while our IVF nurse said they are 60% or higher, the doctor said they were 50/50.  I was disappointed when he said that, but, George was quick to note that the doctor can't say anything more; If it doesn't work, the first thing I'd do is burst into tears and say, "But you told me it would!!!"  So, I get the logic, and, all I can do now is hope and pray.

When Will You Be Back?
Well, I'm taking my hiatus until I have concrete information.  As I sit here and pray for a miracle, my thought is that, if we do conceive on the first try, I will not say anything until the baby's heartbeat has been confirmed.  If our first attempt does not work, I'll be back as soon as I know that information (a little less than three weeks) to let you all know that we're starting over.

Until I am back, thank you all for your love, support, and prayers during this amazing journey.  We have received so many positive wishes over the last few weeks - I really don't know what we would have done (or will continue to do) without you.

So, for now, I just ask that you please pray for all of us.  George, Ashley, the bambinos, and I all want and need your continued prayers.

Until Next Time...

We're in the Home Stretch

WOW.  That was the first thing I thought to myself this morning as I lay in the doctor's office, feet up in stirrups, and staring at an ultrasound monitor full of large eggs.  Our doctor immediately exclaimed, "You got off to an explosive start!  Look at all of these eggs - they're all big!  You're doing great; I bet you'll have your retrieval sometime this weekend.  This was really fast."  Holy cow!  For one of the few instances of my life, I was speechless.  The little body that couldn't just proved to the medical community that she could, and, she did.  Thank you Jesus!

Of course, I immediately texted Ashley as soon as I learned my retrieval would likely be this Friday.  She was just as surprised and thrilled as I was.  I wish I could have spoken to her over the phone about it - I had to send a text message because my phone was broken and my replacement didn't arrive until later this evening!  Grr...

So, in order to get my body ready for my retrieval, the doctor bumped up my medication dosages today.  Yey.  I say that sarcastically, but, all of the pleasant side effects of my fertility drugs are definitely worth the amazing gift they are giving me.  I'll be honest though...they don't make me feel so good!

Yesterday I felt great - better than I have since I administered my first injection two and a half weeks ago.  I thought I was finally getting used the the medication and the icky days were over.  WRONG!!!  It seems as though I felt amazing yesterday because the dosage of one injection was cut in half, and, I got to skip the one that has the higher incidence of migraines and nausea.  Today I took them both again at regular doses.  Cue the migraine and upset tummy.

Anyway, there is so much about surrogacy that I didn't know before; like you, I learn something new every day.  Today I learned there is a condition that develops when too many eggs grow - there's a fine line between growing too many and too few eggs.  I currently have the perfect amount of large eggs, however, my medication dosages have been adjusted to prevent me from growing too many of them.  It turned out I had "a ton" of little follicles, and, they would have developed into more eggs without medical intervention.  Too many eggs can cause all kinds of serious medical problems, so, clearly I agreed with the doctor when he decided to put a halt to that!

Tomorrow I'll go back to the doctor for another ultrasound and blood work, and, I will continue to do this until our egg retrieval.  George also has to have more blood work done, and, he has to deliver his "urgent" medical forms from his recent physical. I say "urgent" because our IVF nurse told George he needed a physical right away, so, he actually left work mid-day to have his physical performed, and then...crickets.  Today we were told to bring his paperwork in for tomorrow's visit; This is the first time his physical has been mentioned in weeks!

What's next?  Ashley and her son arrive on Wednesday - I can't wait to see them!  Ashley has such a positive, "This will work" attitude, and, I'm really looking forward to spending a few days with her.  Beginning Wednesday, Ashley will be cared for at RMA Philadelphia instead of RMA of Texas so we will both be monitored by the same medical team.  I will then have my egg retrieval on what the doctor believes will be Friday, and then, George's swimmers will be injected into my eggs to create embryos.  After an embryologist monitors the development of the embryos, he/she will decide which are the strongest to transfer into Ashley.  After the transfer, we head into the dreaded two week wait (also known as 2WW - that's how long it will take before we know if Ashley is pregnant).

Oh!  I forgot to update you all on our little pregnancy announcement survey!  Through private messages from the majority, we have decided to wait until we have a heartbeat.  So, if you don't see me posting anything after our transfer, you know why.  ;)

And finally, I am asking everybody I know to pray to God or whatever higher power they believe in as baby making is officially out of my control now.  In fact, I just got home from church...at 11:00 p.m.!  Yep, I drove to my church's 24 hour chapel to pray for our miracle.

Until next time!

Creating a Miracle is Hard Work!

Hello readers - happy weekend to ya!  While I'm thrilled and extremely grateful you're taking time out of your weekend to learn more about our journey, I do hope you're enjoying a fabulous weekend, doing whatever it is that makes you happy to have these two days off!

My first injection of each day: Lupron

Update Since my Last Post
As usual, plenty has changed since my last update.  On Tuesday, I learned that I have a whopping 26 eggs cooking.  Now, the doctor was very clear with me on this high number of eggs.  I'll word it as bluntly as the doctor did: All 26 eggs may be retrieved, we may have more than 26 eggs retrieved, and we may have less than 26 eggs retrieved.  The role of the Lupron injection I have been taking was to prevent my body from releasing any eggs to early, and, it worked.  Positive looking ultrasound?  Check!

Next up was my blood work.  I have blood draws on the same day I have my ultrasounds as they're both clearly relative to one another.  To my sheer joy, my estrogen and progesterone levels are perfect!  Our IVF nurse who called me said everything looks great, and, she reiterated her belief that the odds are in our favor.  Still, I'll admit to getting on my knees at least once a day and praying for a miracle with our embryo transfer, and, I'm not ashamed to admit it!  I'm also thankful the good Lord has blessed me in so many ways.  My medical team is keeping me safe, my health is great, and the little body that couldn't is proving to the world it can.  Thank you Jesus!

My second injection each day: Menopur.  And  yes, George did have to stick this needle in my tushy!

Physical Side Effects of Treatment
As of today (Saturday, August 25th), I am taking three injections daily to keep the ball rolling in a positive direction.  On a good note, my body is doing so well that my Lupron (the menopause drug) has been decreased from 10ml a day to 5ml a day.  Woo hoo!  I began taking my lower Lupron dose three days ago, and, today I noticed I am experiencing less hot flashes.  I'm still running a little "warmer" than usual, but, disgusting side effects like back sweat are slowly dwindling.  I thought the side effects of the Lupron were rough, but, as it so happens, those side effects were practically nothing compared to the side effects that were headed my way!

So, what drugs am I on now?  Here's a list of my medication with links - I've included links to each drug should you decide you want to research each medication to learn more about them.

1. Lupron
2. Menopur
3. Gonal-f
4. Coumadin (also known as Warfarin)

My third injection of the day: Gonal-f

Here is a brief list of my regular daily symptoms at this point:

• Throbbing Headaches: I am a chronic migraine sufferer as it is, so, it was almost a given that I would be among the 41% of women who experience headaches.
• Abdominal Pain and Cramping: I'm not sure how common this is amongst most patients as I developed a complicated ovarian cyst after I began taking my Lupron.  Occasionally I wonder if I wouldn't experience these abdominal pains if I didn't have the cyst, however, both of my ovaries are chock full of eggs, and, I do feel the cramps on both sides of my belly.  Honestly, I don't care too much about this.  When the pain starts I take my Tramadol and plop a heating pad on my belly, and, that at least helps take the edge off of the pain.
• Nausea: Disgusting.  That's truly all I can say about that.  I have a prescription for Zofran to help ease my nausea, and, I will forever be grateful to the manufacturers of this wonder drug that keeps me from loosing my cookies every day.
• Exhaustion: Give me a bed or a couch, and, I promise it will be put to good use!  ;)-
• Abdominal bloating: This has probably upset me more than anything else - yes, I am that vain.!  Watching your belly blow up like a balloon is not the easiest thing to calmly witness.  I was warned about this side effect ahead of time, but, nothing could have prepared me for the real deal.  I can't believe I'm even doing this, but, as a completely honest woman who is laying it all out there for everyone to see, I have an obligation to.  Check out this photo below - it was taken a few days ago. 

I cannot even tell you the pain I was in when this photo was taken - it actually hurt just to stand still long enough for George to take the picture!  Thankfully, my new medication has caused a massive decrease in appetite, so, my stomach has already shrunk considerably since this picture was taken.  I'll add a new photo in my next post!

Emotional Side Effects of Treatment
First things first...I feel that I must state the obvious here in that I am clearly elated that science has given George and me the opportunity to have a baby of our own.  If we could go back in time to my last and final pregnancy, I never, in a million years, would have imagined George and I would be where we are today.  We are so blessed by the scientists, doctors, and nurses who have dedicated their careers to making couples like us parents, and, it goes without saying that we are beyond blessed to have a woman as wonderful as Ashley to allow our baby to grow in her belly while our child grows in our hearts.  I could never thank them enough for everything they are doing for us, and, I will be eternally grateful for their compassionate treatment.

Emotionally, I'm holding up as best as I can.  I'll be the first to admit that gestational surrogacy is an emotional roller coaster for every reason you can think of.  There is the pressure on me to deliver good eggs, the pressure on George to have what it takes to fertilize those eggs, and the pressure on Ashley to carry a successful pregnancy.  Last week, after I received the beautiful news about the number of eggs I'm cooking, I made a decision I should have made before we even began this journey - "Let it be."

I'm sure my super positive doctor's appointment played a role in my new, (sort of) zen attitude - after all, I can now say I've given this my all.  If it doesn't work the first time, that's okay.  George and I have agreed we will keep trying should we need to if that's what it takes for us to have a baby.  Anyway, I'm so inspired by my new outlook on life that I am seriously getting a tattoo on my foot.  Check out the picture below - I love the font, but, I just want to translate it to Italian so it will read, "lascia che sia."  Any thoughts?

I adore this tattoo's font!  I would just change the words to lascia che sia (let it be)

Thank God for George!
On this one I must be honest - many women are very frustrated with their husbands around this time, but, not me!  I have to admit it - I have the most supportive husband...EVER!  He has actually managed to finagle his schedule so he can work from home at least until my egg retrieval!  He may even be able to work from home until Ashley's transfer, which would be even more amazing.  He has been a total Godsend to me.  When I take my shots, he's standing by with gauze pads since my Coumadin has made me a bleeder.  Last week when I felt like absolute hell, he sent me off to get a massage to calm my nerves and physical discomfort.  Tomorrow morning he's driving me an hour away for my ultrasound and blood work (yes, on a Sunday - I told you there is no such thing as a day off from baby making!).  Then Monday he's driving me to an orthopedic surgeon since since my legs haven't gotten any better for two weeks (don't worry - I don't have a blood clot - I was put through the ringer to make sure that wasn't the case).  In addition to driving me all over Timbuktu,  George has managed to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everyone since I can't eat and could fall asleep standing up.  Well, strike that...I do cook dinner most nights, but when I just don't have it in me, George intervenes as my fatigue reaches its absolute worst around 4:00-5:00 p.m.  I'll be the first to admit it; I am incredibly blessed, and, everybody deserves a husband like George.  Ooh I just realized you've never seen a picture of him - check us out below on the day I graduated college (yep...at the ripe old age of 33 LOL)!

George and me at my college graduation in 2010.  Isn't he a hot tamale?!

Confused?  You're not Alone!
Recently quit a few people have commented that they still don't understand the gestational surrogacy process.  So, I found a few links for you to check out to hopefully help you along.

• Baby Center - Gestational Surrogacy: http://www.babycenter.com/0_gestational-carriers-surrogacy_4099.bc
• Baby Center - IVF (this will help you understand my drugs a little better): http://www.babycenter.com/0_fertility-treatment-in-vitro-fertilization-ivf_4094.bc
• Complicated Ovarian Cysts (when you read this please remember my cysts are complicated, not functional):  http://helpmehelpyourhealth.com/things-you-ought-to-know-about-complicated-ovarian-cysts/.html

I'll likely update tomorrow night after my ultrasound and lab work.  Until then, have a great evening!

Cheers!

PS: I almost forgot two share the news that I just learned that two of my very good friends are expecting!  I am so happy for all of them and praying for safe babies and parents.  I can't help but to think it would be such great fun if we were all pregnant together!  Congratulations parents (you know who you are but I don't want to out you on my blog without your permission)!!!

My Spirits are Lifted!

Lifted Spirits

Today I had my first ultrasound and blood draw since I began my fertility treatments.  Admittedly, as you could probably tell from my last post, I was an absolute wreck about today's testing.  I have been so scared that my body would somehow fail me; I was filled with fear that I would not produce enough quality eggs to create the strong embryos we need to transfer into Ashley's uterus.

So...how did today's ultrasound go?  BEAUTIFULLY!!!!  All along I have been privately rooting for eight eggs.  I don't know what it is about that number - I just thought eight sounded like a good start.  Well my friends, I am happy to report that my right ovary is producing 16 eggs, and my left ovary is producing 10 eggs.  Yep...I've created 26 eggs for my retrieval!!!!!  Now, the doctor was quick to note that we may get more eggs during my surgery, and, we may get less eggs as well, but, she was pleased and said I'm exactly where she wants me to be.  Hallelujah!  I really, really needed a spirit boost, and, I sure as heck got it today!  As a result of this great news, insiders are now wondering if we'll have twins.  I'm thinking of starting a baby pool - any takers?!

Ovarian Cysts
Of course, this is me we're talking about here, and, as you've probably learned by now, I have about the most frustrating reproductive system of all time.  One side effect that has been driving me somewhat crazy is my stomach.  It hurts and is huge.  This often happens to me when I develop ovarian cysts (which is a regular event for me).  In fact, when we started our journey, my right ovary had a fluid cyst parked on it.  Since it was just a fluid cyst, we left it alone, and, it has since vanished after making my ovary it's home for over a year.

So what's up with my belly aches?  Well, it turns out my left ovary, the one that is stapled into place, has developed a complicated cyst.  What does that mean?  Well thankfully it doesn't mean anything harmful for baby making.  It just means that I will be uncomfortable for a few more weeks until we can do something about this.  If my symptoms continue, I will look into having the cyst, or, the entire ovary removed as it's becoming a bit of a pest.  After all, the thing first fell out of place and had to be stapled back in, and now it has a complicated cyst which is composed of blood and other disgusting things that typical fluid cysts are not made of.  I'm starting to think my left ovary has paid its dues, and God willing, has blessed me in ways I never imagined.  I am thankful for its service, but, I think it may be time to give that thing a proper farewell.

Honestly, I don't care about the cyst...at all!  I'll take my bloated belly and horrible cramps if it means George and I will get our baby!  No amount of physical pain can steal my joy over the fantastic news that my body is not failing me as I feared - it's kicking ass and taking prisoners, and, I couldn't be more pleased!!!

So what's next?  My IVF nurse will call me later today to tell me when to begin my next series of injections, and, we're nine days (or less!) away from my egg retrieval.  HOORAY!!!!!

Here's to more happy baby news!

We're Really Doing This - WOW!

Wow...today reality has really hit me.  We are full steam ahead...a dream that George and I first looked into three years ago is now becoming our reality.  It is very exciting, yet a bit terrifying at the same time.

Ashley is coming here for her transfer on Sunday - that's less than a full week away!  I'm so excited that she and her son Benjamin will be staying at our house, not a hotel, during their stay.  Ashley and I talk on the phone almost every day, and on the days we don't talk, we text...a lot.  But, I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to welcome Ashley and Benjamin into our home.  This will be beneficial in so many ways.

First of all, we can talk and text all we want, but none of that compares to actually spending real time together and bonding.  I'm looking forward to staying up late sharing our excitement and our fears with one another, and, I'm thrilled that my family will get the opportunity to meet Ashley and thank this selfless woman for the beautiful gift she is giving us.  Ashley is coming to town on Sunday, and, she will be here for about two weeks.  Since we can't predict the future, the doctor wanted Ashley here on August 26th, though my estimated egg retrieval date is not until August 30th.  I'm guessing our doctor wanted Ashley here so he could monitor us both himself (until now, Ashley has been monitored at a branch facility in Texas).  I'm not quite sure why he wants her here for two weeks though - most Gestational Surrogates travel to their Intended Parents' facility for just a few days, not two weeks.  We're guessing Ashley will be ready to go home before the two week mark, so, we booked her flights one way so we don't get hit with change fees when she goes back home - we'll just book another one way ticket for her and Benjamin to return to Texas.  Thank God for AirTran and their awesome rates!

At this time, I'm trying hard to keep my emotions in check, and, I'm relaxing as much as I can to be as zen as possible about the next few weeks.  If I do not push myself to stay calm, I go into worry overload.  My best friend Denise can tell you what happens when I am not zen.  Denise had to talk me off the ledge last week when my hormones got the best of me and I did nothing by cry for two hours and put my poor husband on blast for doing absolutely nothing wrong.  Prozac anyone?

So what am I worrying about?  Well, let's just call a spade a spade here: We have no guarantee of this working out well for us.  Our facility did give us a percentage of our odds, but, the only thing I feel comfortable saying is that those odds are in our favor.  I don't want to share the percentage they gave us - no matter how high that number is, it will never be 100%, and, I don't want to jinx us by sharing the percentage out of fear that everyone will assume we will be successful on the first try. 

So, an unsuccessful transfer is my most prominent worry at this time.  What else is there to worry about?  Well, I'm worried that my body will disappoint us and not provide the number or quality of eggs the doctor is anticipating.  Let's face it - I am responsible for a decent portion of our success.  Without good eggs, we won't have strong embryos to transfer.  The weaker the embryos, the less likely we are to conceive a successful pregnancy.

And of course, there is the disappointment factor.  I'm so worried about disappointing George, our families, friends, and even you, our blog readers.  Everyone is so positive and excited for us, and, I want to be able to scream from the hilltops that we are pregnant!  But, at this point, I'm just taking everything day-by-day, and, I'm just taking each day as it comes and never looking any further than that.

So, this leads me to an all-important question that I would really like feedback on.  After Ashley's transfer, we enter the emotionally draining period of time known as "the two week wait," abbreviated as 2WW for short.  It is during the 2WW that we know nothing - at the end of the two week wait we find out if we are pregnant.  If I am not committed during this period of time, thank Jesus, because I can only describe that as divine intervention!

What's my question?  Well, it's pretty simple, and I'm going with what the majority of voters rule.  Should we learn we are pregnant at the end of our 2WW, or, should we wait until we see a heartbeat a few weeks later?

Naturally, should we be unsuccessful on our first try, I will share that information right away.  But if our little miracle does occur on the first try, should I share the news and take you all on the next stage of our journey with me (that being the wait for a heartbeat), or, should I go into hiding?

Please...I beg of you...post your votes below!  I have deactivated our comment approval feature, so your vote and feedback will become available instantly, and, you may place your vote and any comments anonymously.

So please...share your thoughts...I'm so torn on this that I'm really turning to my readers on this one!

I'll post more tomorrow after my morning ultrasound and blood work.  Until then, please vote in our comments section!

Cheers!

Hot Flashes at 26!!!

Oh. My. Goodness…

I never would have ever imagined that I would have a glimpse of what my change of life will be like.  And all I can say is OMG!! Not only is it HOT as He** in Texas, but it is even hotter in my body.  Last week I started feeling hot at times and would spontaneously start sweating… no reason at all.  I was in an air conditioned building that makes me cold most of the time; to the point where I have to have a heater plugged in by my desk to turn on at a moment’s notice.  The bottoms of my feet and my hands would sweat, my back would bead up… GROSS!!!!!  Now… I used to dance- 16 years worth of ballet, tap and more- I once had a teacher who would completely turn off the A/C and make us work in the heat.  This was ok 10 YEARS ago!!!! Now it’s just plain torture!  I have to laugh because I thought I was going crazy.  Instead it’s just normal side effects of the Lupron injections.  Not only was this going on but I am sick!!! Funny thing is, Suzi and I have both been sick…. As you have read previously.

I have been on Lupron for almost 2 weeks.  These needles are small compared to the others that are in my kit.  I’m terrified of those puppies!!! Yikes!!! I go back in for monitoring- blood draw and ultrasound- on Monday.  RMA gave me these details today… my thoughts were as follows:  “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… MY BABY GIRL STARTS SCHOOL ON MONDAY!!!!”  They were very accommodating as most of them have children and knew I couldn’t miss my baby’s first day of PreK-3! My appointment time is at 9:30am instead of 8:00am; THANK YOU RMA of Texas!!!!

Benjamin and I will be making our way on his very first plane trip on Sunday the 26^th!!! He is soooo excited as am I.  Honestly, it will be nice to get away from work for that long.  LOL…. Even though, who am I kidding… they will still call!!!  Mini- vaca!!! So happy!!! However, we will miss the other half of our family.  I want to express my gratitude though, for Suzi and George and their children.  First off, for opening their home and lives up for Benjamin and I, and for allowing me to bring my “partner in crime” along for the ride.  He’s an amazing kid! Oh and he lost his first tooth this past week!! It all goes by too quickly.

So anyway… enough of me talking about my crazy kiddos…  They upped my dosage of “whatever that patch does” to 3 every 2 days (… Anyone know how to take adhesive off of skin… ? Hmmmm ) which will keep me in menopause but will thicken the lining of my uterus to accept little bambino(s) embryos.  

Besides it being hotter than haties here in Texas… that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! 

Have a great weekend everyone!!!

The Not So Pretty (and Very Funny) Side to Creating a Miracle

Happy Friday!!!  I'm wishing you all a fabulous, fun-filled weekend!  We don't get weekends off from baby-making, but, who would complain about such a thing?  "Not I!" said the wise fly!

This week has been rough on Ashley and me, yet comical at the same time. 

First things first.  I have to say that I absolutely pity women who have hysterectomies or go through menopause without the option to receive hormone replacement therapy.  These women are warriors, and, every unfathomable side effect of menopause they are telling you is true!  Long story short, my joints hurt from a reproductive system that simply closed shop last Saturday, I can't ever figure out if I'm hot or cold, I'm cranky as all hell, and essentially, miserable to be near.  Please remember this: A woman who is going through menopause is always right.  Period.  End of discussion.  Lucky for Ashley, she has begun taking estrogen to get her uterine lining all nice and thick to receive our little embryos, so, she's slowly getting some hormones going again.  I have an ultrasound and blood work appointment on Tuesday, and assuming the results from those tests are what the doctor anticipates, I'll get my hormones going again on Thursday.

Yesterday morning at camp menopause (a.k.a. my bedroom).  My leg was wrapped to help my achy bones, and of course, the fan was blowing at full speed!

 

Next up on all things unattractive?  Let's move on to my bloated, bruised up belly.  As I've mentioned, I'm taking blood thinners to avoid developing a clot from my hormone injections.  If you know anybody on blood thinners, you're well-aware that bruising comes with the territory.  Here is a stunning shot of my bloated, water-holding, constipated belly (Yes, these are all common and icky side effects of Lupron).  Laugh at my fat and you'll pay!!!

So far I only have one larger bruise.  Otherwise I get little red marks or draw a little blood from my injections.  I promise it doesn't hurt though!

On to staying healthy.  Despite the fact that I have gained *a lot* of weight in a very short period of time, it is essential that I exercise for a number of reasons.  First and foremost, an active body is less likely to develop a blood clot.  So even though my legs hurt like hell, I make sure they move every day, even if I have to kick and scream at my own self to do so!  I'll be honest - running for me has been really painful while I've been on Lupron.  My joints and bones really hurt, and, walking is probably as acceptable as running is.  But, I'm really trying to limit my weight gain, and, I'm hoping that by running now, my weight loss will be a little easier when it's time to stop my treatments.  Until then, I, along with my now enormous boobs and big bloated belly, run for 30 minutes and then walk for an extra 30 minutes at least every other day.  Remember how I said menopause makes you sweat?  Now I have proof.  This is me post-workout today.  Yes, I know I look horrible and gross.  But, this is part of the process, and I did promise you all that I would not hide the ugly, so, onward!

No, I would never leave the house looking like this.  In fact, I'm shocked that I feel brazen enough to even post this photo.  As Dolly Parton said in Steel Magnolias, "There is no such thing as natural beauty."

And finally, the funny.  Ashley sent me this picture from her clinic she goes to for monitoring in her home state.  Yes, those are sperm.  Even more embarrassing?  They lead men to the room where they retrieve their contribution to the baby making process.  Yep...while I'm in the operating room having my eggs retrieved, George will be in another room...doing this.  I swear a man developed this process - it had to be that way - a woman would never make it so imbalanced!

"Follow the squiggly road..."

Back from the Beach...Running Hot & Cold

Happy Monday readers!

Wow...so much has changed since my last post.  As usual, I've been summer slacking, but, I do have a good reason for that as George and I were on vacation at our beach house in Sea Isle, New Jersey.  Here's a picture of our little living room there.

Our beach digs with our current "baby," Oliver.

Running Hot...And Cold?
Since my last post, Ashley and I both began our Lupron to throw us into menopause.  This is to get our cycles in sync with one another.  Since we began our injections, Ashley and I have both been experiencing hot flashes.  Even more interesting?  We both have colds!  When Ashley sent me a text that we both officially have colds, I thought to myself, "Of course we do!  Everything else is the same about us...why not this?!"  So, hot flashes and summer colds in August?  No problem...I'll take it if it gets us where we need to be!

Last week Ashley had an ultrasound and lab work, and, her Lupron kicked in perfectly, so, it was time for her to add a new hormone to her daily regimen...go Ashley!!!  That's added some rather difficult headaches to her side-effect list, but, rather than speak for her, I'm going to add an updated post from her when she emails it to me tomorrow.

Emotional Roller Coaster
From the day we started our journey, everybody we've worked with has insisted we only think positively, so, that's what we're doing.  Still, now that things are quickly moving along, I will admit to being terrified.  What if our first attempt doesn't take?  What if they don't get as many eggs from me as they anticipated?  Our transfer is in less than three weeks; at this stage of the game, I think it's fair for me to worry.  But, as George says, he's "cautiously optimistic," and, I'm doing my best to think that way too.  I know in the back of my mind if our first attempt does not succeed, we'll simply try again, and, our doctor, IVF nurse, Reproductive Coordinators...you name it...they've all said the same thing..."We're not even going to think about that right now."  They are right, as is George, as they all remind me to just take one day at a time so I don't become overwhelmed and hyperventilate.

More Questions Answered
While I was at the beach this weekend a few of my friends asked me some good questions - questions a lot of people have probably wondered - but were just afraid to ask.  I'm not one to shy away from honesty, so, here goes...

Q) Did you give birth to your first two children?  Why do you need a surrogate?
A) Yes, I did give birth to my first two children during my first marriage.  A few years after my second child was born, my Endometriosis flew out of control - at one point, I had my period for four weeks, and I can remember having pain so strong I could not sit during meetings at the office (I  had to stand).  Thinking I was finished having children, I began to seriously consider having a hysterectomy.  At that same exact time, I conceived and somehow managed to carry an ectopic pregnancy that was so large, my left fallopian tube began to rupture.  I considered that a sign from God, so, when I went into the operating room for surgery to remove my left fallopian tube, I chose to have my uterus and cervix removed as well.  I kept my ovaries due to my fear of menopause.  A few years later I began to question that decision when my left ovary twisted (formally known as an ovarian torsion).  That ovary could have been removed, but, my doctor knew I was investigating gestational surrogacy at that time. So, he worked his magic and managed to staple my ovary back into place.

Q) If you don't have a uterus, why are you on fertility treatments?
A) As I mentioned above, I kept my ovaries during my two earlier reproductive surgeries. Therefore, even though I have no uterus, I do have two ovaries for my reproductive doctor to retrieve my eggs from.  So, my ovaries are being overstimulated to release as many eggs as possible, and, the eggs will be surgically removed in about two weeks.  From there, an embryologist will inject my little eggies with George's swimmers, and, the embryos that mature the best will be transferred into Ashley's uterus a few days later.

Q) I think you're a saint to do this.
 A) I'm not kidding!  Some people...actually a lot of people, have said that to me!  I'm not a saint...without a doubt, that prize goes to Ashley.  I'm just a mother doing what is necessary to make a George and Suzi baby.  :)

Hmm...I guess that's it for now.  Boring post, I know.  I can't help it...menopause drugs, a cold, vacation hangover...I'm tired!

Cheers!

A Flood of Emotions

Wouldn't you know it...about an hour after I posted "Hurry Up and Wait", I received a phone call from our IVF Coordinator that we had a change in plans, and, our journey was beginning earlier...again!  Naturally, immediately after we received this news, Ashley and I were on the phone screaming, crying, and surviving our mutual panic attacks as we realized it's game on (we actually say, "Game on Donkey Kong!").

I'm not sure if I have ever publicly stated how absolutely grateful I am to have Ashley in my life.  As with life in general, there are a ton of gestational surrogates out there, and, each one has their own personality and reason for doing this.  I'll be honest; some women make gestational surrogacy their career, but not Ashley.  She is just an amazing, Christian woman who wanted to give a less fortunate couple the opportunity to experience the miracle of having a child of their own.  There aren't enough words to express my gratitude for the amazing gift she has selflessly offered to provide to us.

After we received our "game on" phone calls today, Ashley wrote the post below to share with our readers.  I'm sure you'll all agree that Ashley really is one of a kind as you get to know her.

Without further ado, Ashley's "game on" post...

I got the phone call today to start my Lupron on FRIDAY!!!!  I have a timeline!  While I am SUPER excited to get to go through all of this with and for Suzi and George, I am flooded with emotions!  To be gone from home and work for 2 weeks, and to be in an entirely different city…It is all so surreal! 

The past few months for me have been CRAZY and the only constant for me is the surrogacy.  I am so completely excited to do this and while my world is going nuts it is nice to know that we will be giving life to a family that wants this new addition!

What’s been going on with me you might ask? Well, back in October 2011, my Dad was diagnosed with what we were lead to believe was Stage 3 Colon Cancer.  He has great doctors but the chemo has knocked him down in the dirt.  A few weeks ago, we learned that his cancer was Stage 4 and has spread to his fatty cells in the lining of his abdomen.  So I joke with him that he has “fat cancer”!  I know its not anything to joke about, but it makes him laugh.  

I am kind of a control freak when it comes to work.  I take pride in everything I do and to leave my hotel is kinda hard for me.  But I’m going to put on my big girl pants and deal with it!  WE HAVE A BABY TO MAKE!!!!!!!  

I couldn’t be more excited for Suzi and George!  This entire process is crazy though!  As Suzi has said before, it’s a hurry up and wait game. Now it is a hurry, hurry, hurry game.  Can’t wait to make this dream a reality!!!

Hurry Up and Wait...

DISCLAIMER: This post describes girly medical stuff.  If you get creeped out easily, you may not wish to proceed.  :)-

Hello readers ~ Happy hump day!

I know right now it probably seems as though I don't post very often, and, that is a fair assessment.  Why the holdup?  Well, here's the 411...

Last Monday (July 23rd) I had my regular Monday morning blood test.  Until now, the schedule for my blood draws has been every other Monday to make sure my IVF team knows exactly where I am in my cycle.  This tells them when Ashley should start her Lupron (icky menopause shots) as she will begin her injections a week before I will.  Having Ashley begin her Lupron a week before me helps to make sure her uterus is ready to hold our little embryos when they are ready to be transferred to her womb ("transfer" is the word used when our embryos are placed into Ashley's uterus).

So, last Monday, our amazing IVF nurse called to tell me it looked like I would be ovulating early.  The control freak that I am, I immediately went into panic mode.  EARLY???!!!  I was certain I would be a late bloomer - I wasn't ready for EARLY!!!  So, instead of having my next blood test two weeks later, I had it one week later (this past Monday, July 30th).

All excited, Ashley, George, and I began acting like lunatics with our heads cut off.  Why you ask?  Because I received a boat load of instructions during that July 23rd phone call, and, I was hellbent on making sure everything was taken care of - STAT!

First up?  Our IVF nurse told us George had to go for a physical...per the government's regulations.  Huh?!  "Unbelievable," I thought...gestational surrogacy is illegal in some states, some other states could give a rat's ass, and our state allows it as long as the government knows we're healthy.  Remember when I said my amazing doctor wouldn't give a "sick" person the opportunity to have a baby via gestational surrogacy under his care?  Well, I wasn't kidding...because he's not even legally permitted to!  I don't know what to think about that, so, I've just opted not to judge this mandate.  I could sit around and mope that couples with a uterus don't have to do these things, but, that would be a negative waste of my time, and, no negativity is allowed here...this is scary enough as it is!  Anyway, since George was told he needed his physical right away, he called his doctor, explained the circumstances, ran out of his office and floored it straight to his doctor for his emergency checkup.  Praise the Lord, George is in perfect health.

Next, about 30 minutes after my IVF nurse called me, a billing coordinator followed up to tell me my treatment payments had to keep up with my body, and as such, I owed a boat load of money to pay for the remainder of my treatments.  Cue the self-induced suffocation reaction.  I just can't post what this is costing us on this blog - if you want to know I'll gladly share that privately, but, it's so insanely expensive I'm embarrassed to post it here.  Anyway, once I recovered from my barely breathing act, I emailed my financial planner to tell him I needed to withdraw money from my baby making account to pay the doctor.  Now, you know it's bad when the financial planner says, "I just gave you a rather large sum of money in January; I'm assuming that's all been used by now."  Check mate my friend...check mate.

Now, in the beginning of our journey we asked our former Intended Parent Coordinator (she is no longer working with our agency) how much money we should be prepared to spend, including medical treatments and drugs that would not be covered by our health insurance policy.  She gave us a ridiculously low-balled estimate  (which she told me was the highest amount of money she could fathom us spending).  Long story short: We've already doubled that estimate in expenses...and we're not even pregnant yet.  But, following my no negativity rule, George and I have remained focused (which is shocking because he's the cheapest man I know - he'll even admit this is true).  Eye on the prize kids...eye on the prize.

So, with the emergency physical taken care of along with the emergency funds withdraw, the only thing I had left to do was get in shape.  I've been working out for a while now, but, I'll admit to getting a bit lazy once summer rolled around.  So, I've been making sure sure I stick to my regimen consisting of three days of cardio and two days of weight and core training as I'm hellbent on being in top form once I take my drugs - I don't want another medical complication during this process (Internal bleeding, anyone?).  Taking care of myself?  Check.

Next up was this past Monday's blood draw (the one that was taken one week earlier than anticipated as it looked like I was going to ovulate early).  Ashley, George, and I were all on pins and needles that entire day waiting for our IVF nurse to call with the results.  We were told to call her if we didn't hear from her by 3:00; since my blood test was at 9:15 a.m., that gave us all plenty of time to endure multiple panic attacks.  Finally, 2:47 p.m. rolled around, our IVF nurse called, and, drumroll please...nothing.  As in, I didn't ovulate.  Cue the crickets.  I could feel the collective sigh of, "Ugh," all the way from Ashley's home state of Texas to our City of Brotherly Love.  Really, after all of that, I didn't even ovulate???!!! C'mon - throw us a bone here!!!

No what?  Well, I have another blood test Friday, August 3rd, and, Ashley's been put on high alert that she'll be starting her Lupron very soon in order to keep her cycle one week ahead of mine.  God willing, I'll have ovulated by Friday, and, we'll be on our merry way.

In the meantime, you may wonder what we've been up to as our little journey remains stagnant.  Well, besides exercising, I've been working hard adding new products to my store, hitting the beach when I can with the kids, chatting and texting with Ashley, and, breathing my way through panic attacks.  Remember when I posted that gestational surrogacy is not for the emotionally weak?  Well, I just took my first big-kid roller coaster ride, and, I'd give my nerves a big fat "F" for the way they handled the possible early ovulation crisis.

So, this is where we stand...in limbo.  Hopefully I'll have more information to post on Friday.  In the meantime, I am happy to report that Ashley has stopped getting ill from the birth control pills our IVF nurse just put her on, so, she probably hates me a little less now (Yes, I'm kidding - she's like that kid sister I just learned I have, and, we complain, cry, and celebrate everything we're going through together).

Until next time, cheers!