We're Really Doing This - WOW!

Wow...today reality has really hit me.  We are full steam ahead...a dream that George and I first looked into three years ago is now becoming our reality.  It is very exciting, yet a bit terrifying at the same time.

Ashley is coming here for her transfer on Sunday - that's less than a full week away!  I'm so excited that she and her son Benjamin will be staying at our house, not a hotel, during their stay.  Ashley and I talk on the phone almost every day, and on the days we don't talk, we text...a lot.  But, I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to welcome Ashley and Benjamin into our home.  This will be beneficial in so many ways.

First of all, we can talk and text all we want, but none of that compares to actually spending real time together and bonding.  I'm looking forward to staying up late sharing our excitement and our fears with one another, and, I'm thrilled that my family will get the opportunity to meet Ashley and thank this selfless woman for the beautiful gift she is giving us.  Ashley is coming to town on Sunday, and, she will be here for about two weeks.  Since we can't predict the future, the doctor wanted Ashley here on August 26th, though my estimated egg retrieval date is not until August 30th.  I'm guessing our doctor wanted Ashley here so he could monitor us both himself (until now, Ashley has been monitored at a branch facility in Texas).  I'm not quite sure why he wants her here for two weeks though - most Gestational Surrogates travel to their Intended Parents' facility for just a few days, not two weeks.  We're guessing Ashley will be ready to go home before the two week mark, so, we booked her flights one way so we don't get hit with change fees when she goes back home - we'll just book another one way ticket for her and Benjamin to return to Texas.  Thank God for AirTran and their awesome rates!

At this time, I'm trying hard to keep my emotions in check, and, I'm relaxing as much as I can to be as zen as possible about the next few weeks.  If I do not push myself to stay calm, I go into worry overload.  My best friend Denise can tell you what happens when I am not zen.  Denise had to talk me off the ledge last week when my hormones got the best of me and I did nothing by cry for two hours and put my poor husband on blast for doing absolutely nothing wrong.  Prozac anyone?

So what am I worrying about?  Well, let's just call a spade a spade here: We have no guarantee of this working out well for us.  Our facility did give us a percentage of our odds, but, the only thing I feel comfortable saying is that those odds are in our favor.  I don't want to share the percentage they gave us - no matter how high that number is, it will never be 100%, and, I don't want to jinx us by sharing the percentage out of fear that everyone will assume we will be successful on the first try. 

So, an unsuccessful transfer is my most prominent worry at this time.  What else is there to worry about?  Well, I'm worried that my body will disappoint us and not provide the number or quality of eggs the doctor is anticipating.  Let's face it - I am responsible for a decent portion of our success.  Without good eggs, we won't have strong embryos to transfer.  The weaker the embryos, the less likely we are to conceive a successful pregnancy.

And of course, there is the disappointment factor.  I'm so worried about disappointing George, our families, friends, and even you, our blog readers.  Everyone is so positive and excited for us, and, I want to be able to scream from the hilltops that we are pregnant!  But, at this point, I'm just taking everything day-by-day, and, I'm just taking each day as it comes and never looking any further than that.

So, this leads me to an all-important question that I would really like feedback on.  After Ashley's transfer, we enter the emotionally draining period of time known as "the two week wait," abbreviated as 2WW for short.  It is during the 2WW that we know nothing - at the end of the two week wait we find out if we are pregnant.  If I am not committed during this period of time, thank Jesus, because I can only describe that as divine intervention!

What's my question?  Well, it's pretty simple, and I'm going with what the majority of voters rule.  Should we learn we are pregnant at the end of our 2WW, or, should we wait until we see a heartbeat a few weeks later?

Naturally, should we be unsuccessful on our first try, I will share that information right away.  But if our little miracle does occur on the first try, should I share the news and take you all on the next stage of our journey with me (that being the wait for a heartbeat), or, should I go into hiding?

Please...I beg of you...post your votes below!  I have deactivated our comment approval feature, so your vote and feedback will become available instantly, and, you may place your vote and any comments anonymously.

So please...share your thoughts...I'm so torn on this that I'm really turning to my readers on this one!

I'll post more tomorrow after my morning ultrasound and blood work.  Until then, please vote in our comments section!

Cheers!