Back from Texas!

Happy weekend friends!  Wherever you are, I hope you're enjoying your weekend a tad more than I'm enjoying mine.  Before I left for Texas I had an ear infection that was just crappy.  Well, my antibiotics made me sick, and rather than call the doctor like a normal person would to ask for a different prescription, I just stopped taking mine, flew across the country, and came home worse than I was in the first place.  Day three of my Z-PAK?  Check.

On to Texas, where everything is bigger.  I've been to Texas several times before, and I have to admit, everything really is bigger in Texas!  The highways are huge and have many lanes, the buildings are tall, and there are just massive amounts of open space as far as the eye can see.

Our journey to Texas was super short as it's George's "busy season" (C.P.A. lingo for tax time).  So, we weren't in Texas for long; we arrived on Saturday night and had to leave midday on Monday.  Still, we accomplished quite a bit!

On Sunday, Ashley and her family took us sightseeing in San Antonio.  I have to admit, I really didn't know much about the place until our trip.  There is this huge River Walk in San Antonio, and, Ashley told us it would take about a day and a half to walk the entire thing.  Since we didn't have enough time for that, we took a river boat ride through the water to give us a little history lesson on the River Walk.  Here are Ashley and Nick on our boat ride.

After our little cruise, we walked over to the Alamo.  At this point, I felt like a horrible American citizen - I had no idea what I was looking at!  I tried to learn as much as I could, and, I am now studying the entire history of the Alamo now that I am home and stuck in bed with my sinus infection.  Here's our tourist photo from the front of the Alamo.  Unfortunately, my daughter Maddy is not in the picture as she couldn't make the trip due to a cheerleading competition.

This is a horrible picture, and yes, I know I look more pregnant than Ashley!

On Sunday night, we exchanged Christmas presents (we decided not to ship them since we would be seeing each other so soon after the holiday).  Ashley gave me two gifts that made me cry (nothing new there!).  First, she gave me a 4-D picture of Hope.  I had no idea she'd even gone back to the ultrasound facility to get said picture, so, it was a lovely surprise.  To see my baby girl so clearly is just magical!  Unfortunately, I don't have a scanner to scan the photo, and, I won't post it here.  I posted it on my Facebook page, and, too many people told me they couldn't understand what they were looking at!

Next, Ashley gave me the most precious gift.  It is a pink teddy bear, and when you squeeze its heart, you hear Hope's heartbeat that was recorded during the ultrasound!  I play it over and over and over again, and, I always cry when I hear it.  Ashley also made Hope her first piece of nursery wall art - if you study it long enough you'll learn our nursery color scheme (no, it's not just pink!).  Here are both gifts below.

On Monday morning, we met Ashley's doctors for the first time, and, we also went for Hope's anatomy ultrasound.  Thankfully, we were all able to breathe a huge sigh of relief when we learned both Ashley and Hope are doing very well.  Ashley is handling the pregnancy beautifully, and, Hope is growing and developing perfectly.  This picture below is from the ultrasound and is too precious; it's Hope covering her face when the doctor tried to take her picture (yes, those are her arms and hands).

No pictures please!

After our doctor's appointment, Ashley took us to a "real" cowboy store.  The place was packed with the most beautiful boots, belts, outfits...you name it!  I've never put much thought into authentic western gear, but, this place was amazing!  We got this outfit for Hope to wear on the plane ride home from Texas.

All in all we had a fabulous time - it was just too darn short!  The next time we go out we'll be there longer...and we'll finally get to meet our little princess - we are so excited!!!!

Ashley, Jason, Benjamin, and Caitlynn, thank you for welcoming us into your home and for such a fun-filled weekend!  We can't wait to see you again soon!

Cheers!

Losing Susan and Finding Hope

Happy Hump Day friends.  As you probably guessed by this post's title, today's message is likely to be an emotional one.  Grab your hankies - you're going to need them.

January 14-15, 2010

Most people I know honor a loved one's passing one date, that being the exact date their angel received their wings.  However, for my sisters and me, we're fortunate enough to remember the date of our mother's passing for two days straight every year (if you sensed a hint of sarcasm there, you guessed right).

There are many details of my mother's passing that I won't include in this post.  Some are too distressing to read about, and, my selective memory has opted to disregard a few details (that's probably God doing a favor for me).  On the contrary, there are some details I will never be able to forget, and, I don't think I'd ever want to.

The journey referred to as "Losing Susan" began on January 14, 2010.  I will never forget feeling unusually tired that evening, and, I decided to go to bed around 9:00 p.m.  I had just laid down in my bed, and, I was pulling my sheet and blankets up to cover me when George received "the phone call."  Yes, I remember that my blankets were halfway pulled when George's phone rang.  I had put my telephone in our family room to charge away from me as I have a habit of answering the phone if it's next to me, regardless of what time of day it is.  So, I missed "the phone call," leaving my sister Renee no option but to call George to get a hold of me.

My son, Nick, Mom, George, and me celebrating my mother's last birthday before she earned her wings.

I still clearly remember George walking into our bedroom to give me Renee's message.  "Renee just called; get dressed.  Your mother fell down the steps and is unresponsive."  From that moment on, January 14, 2010 became one big blur for me.  I can remember certain details - I remember calling my best friend, Denise, from the car and screaming into her ear, but, I can't remember asking her to call my ex-husband's mother and asking her to meet me at the hospital.  I can remember jumping out of George's rolling Mercedes as it turned down the hill of my mother's street towards her home, but, I can't remember why I thought such an act would be helpful in this situation.  And, of course, I remember that God-awful ride to the hospital which took about 10 minutes thanks to George's speeding, yet, I remember feeling that ride was taking too long and asking George to speed up.

By the time we got to the hospital, my mother's ambulance had already arrived, and, she was in a trauma room receiving life-saving treatments which became futile efforts on behalf of the staff at the hospital.  We couldn't have been at the hospital for longer than 10 minutes before a trauma surgeon confirmed the unimaginable: our mother was gone.  Just like that, in less than one hour's time, my mother sustained an injury, and, we would never be able to speak to her again.  We chose to donate my mother's organs in the hopes of making something, anything, positive result from this tragedy, and, on January 15, 2010, we said goodbye to our mother outside of the operating room where she would be taken for her organ retrieval.

Our Greatest Supporter

When George and I began dating in the spring of 2008, we began researching gestational surrogacy within a few short months.  After George and I realized we had a little more going on than a casual relationship, we thought it would be best to begin looking into gestational surrogacy.  We weren't sure what was involved in the process at all - we didn't know if my eggs were young or strong enough, we didn't know how long it would take us to find a gestational surrogate or what that process entailed...nothing.  The only thing we did know was that gestational surrogacy was an option for us, but, we knew nothing more.

The first person we told about our plan to have a baby via gestational surrogacy was my mother, and, I can wholeheartedly tell you she was the one and only person who embraced the idea 110%.  She didn't just accept and support our decision - she was thrilled by it.  Every day I thank my lucky stars that my mother lived long enough to learn that my eggs were good and strong for baby making, and, she was ecstatic when George and I became engaged and told her we were having our wedding at Talamore Country Club.  My mother always had a taste for the finer things in life, and, I think this wedding locale gave her some street cred.

Getting married without my mother in attendance was...difficult at best.  One of my mother's best friends (whom we refer to as "Aunt" Florence) gave me a beautiful candle to light in memory of my mother.  Unfortunately, our photographer never thought to photograph that candle, but, here are some of the other ways my mother was included in the festivities.

My mother's blue ring.  I waited for 10 months to put it on, choosing to have my sisters put it on me as my "something blue" on my wedding day.  My sisters and I also painted our toenails blue for the ceremony.

Blue was my mother's favorite color, so, we incorporated into our wedding centerpieces even though it didn't match our color scheme at all.

In lieu of wedding favors, George and I made a donation to "Gift of Life," the program which coordinated my mother's organ donation.

The father/daughter dance, where I clearly had a meltdown, and, my dad helping me through it.

Get Back to Living

As I noted, my mother was the biggest supporter of our gestational surrogacy dream, but after her funeral, I pushed it off to the side - I just didn't think I had it me take an emotional journey as great as gestational surrogacy.  Keeping in mind that I always told my mother I would name a baby girl "Hope" if I was lucky enough to do so, these arrived in the mail a few weeks after my mother's passing...

After I called the manufacturer of these letters and confirmed there was no record of an order for them anywhere, I assumed the obvious...my mother was telling George and me it was time to fulfill our dream of one more baby.  So, after we received these letters, we visited my mother's grave, and, we promised to name our baby after her in some way should we have a girl.

That Brings us to Today...

And now, you come in.  You all know where we stand today, and, when I went to visit my mother's grave today, I begged her to continue being a guardian angel to her newest grand-baby, Hopelyn Jane.

My mother had this "thing" with ladybugs when she passed away, and, this is what I found on her tombstone during today's visit.

Here's the full screen shot, with the ladybug located under the second "S" in my mom's name.

Thank you all for coming along on this  journey with us.  We have not only felt supported, but inspired by our readers who often send us emails, stop us on the street to share their support, etc.  In fact, George and I rarely go anywhere these days where we don't bump into someone who enjoys reading our blog.  On behalf of the two of us, I promise you all we love you just as much! 

Now, if you are lucky enough to, go give your mother a big, fat hug, and, give her a second one from me.

xoxo

Surrogacy is a Team Sport

Happy Hump Day readers!  I'm not even going to apologize for my horrible lack of posting anymore - it's old news - I am a horrible, erratic blogger, and, I don't think it will ever change.  But hey, did you miss me?!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday filled with joy, laughter, and lots of booze.  ;)  Our family had a very relaxed holiday; we enjoyed spending Christmas Eve at my sister's compound (our code name for her new, gorgeous, huge house).  Of course it's always such a pleasure to watch the kiddos open their gifts from their favorite Aunt Suzi, but, the real kicker this year was our dog eat dog version of the White Elephant Gift exchange.  Natch, my sister Jenna (the baby of the family) walked away with the hottest gifts of the swap, but, I held my own.  Check out my winnings below!

Even came with two cookbooks!  

Amidst the chaos of the holidays, Ashley and I didn't get our Christmas gifts to the post office in time for Christmas delivery...which worked out perfectly because WE'RE HEADED TO TEXAS!!!  Bean's anatomy ultrasound is on Inauguration Day this year (and natch, we have a layover in D.C. that day...go figure)!  I am so, so excited for this trip - I can't even tell you how much I miss Ashley and Benjamin (I haven't seen them since our transfer in September), and, I can't wait to meet Ashley's daughter Caitlynn and thank her husband Jason for supporting us in this most personal way.  So, our Christmas gift swap will take place during our visit.  Unfortunately, my eldest child has to stay home due to her cheerleading commitments, however, George, Gabby, Nick, and I are all headed down south, and, we can't wait!

Should I wear my rock star cowboy hat, or, spare myself the embarrassment?

First of all, I am so, so, so excited to see Ashley.  From day one, Ashley and I knew we had something special and that we weren't your everyday Intended Mother/Gestational Carrier coupling.  Our relationship is beyond "professional" or whatever people may think it is.  At this point, we are simply great friends (more like family really).  It doesn't feel like a Gestational Surrogate is carrying my baby; it feels like one of my best friends is giving me the greatest gift in the world.

What has me the most excited about our trip to Texas?  Honestly, there are too many things for me to list!  I love Ashley's family and can't wait to spend time with them; Ashley's even been kind enough to open up her home to us, so, we can stay up late gossiping, watching our favorite television shows, or just shooting the shit.  We're also hoping to visit the Alamo, which will be awesome, especially for the kids.

Of course, I'm looking forward to seeing how Bean is growing.  I can't wait to see Ashley's pregnancy glow, her growing waistline, and, I'm hoping I'll be able to put my hands on her belly to feel my daughter's precious kicks.  I'm also clearly excited to see my baby girl's profile on the sonogram - this may be the last time we see her face before D-Day, and, there's just something magical about that.

Surrogacy is a Team Sport

I came across this saying on a t-shirt today at All Things Surrogacy.  I'm seriously considering buying Ashley some goodies from this online store, however, I can't spill too many beans as my baby shower is coming up, and, I am in the process of putting together a gift basket to present to Ashley at the party (side note: this fiesta is a surprise, and, I'd like to keep it that way!).

Anyway, you may be wondering what my point is with this one.  Gestational surrogacy is a journey; it is not only the story of an infertile woman's dream coming true, nor is it just the story of a woman who is physically capable of creating a miracle doing just that.  With that said, Ashley and I came to a revelation of sorts this week.  What was this sudden awakening?  It's simple - we need to talk on the phone more often.

Over the holidays, Ashley and I naturally got caught up in our families' holiday celebrations, and, for about two weeks we only communicated via text.  As close as we are, this form of communication took its toll on us.  The one thing I hate about today's world of modern communication is that it has kind of lost its human factor.  Let's face it; it's very easy to misinterpret emails, texts, Facebook posts, Tweets...you get the idea.

So, long story short, Ashley and I spent a little too much time texting and not enough time talking.  I think both of us misinterpreted the messages the other was trying to send, and, we both instinctively put our guards up a bit.  We nipped that little ditty in the bud, but, it made me realize how quickly the "journey" can evolve to a pissing match between an Intended Mother and a Gestational Surrogate.  Thankfully, Ashley and I love each other too much for that nonsense; she had the cojones to tell me she was a tad annoyed, and, we addressed the issue right then and there.  I'm now more aware of Ashley's feelings, she's more aware of my flightiness, and, she's not afraid to call bullshit on it either, which is AWESOME!!!  Ashley is more than my friend; she is family to us, and, she's stuck with me forever whether she likes it or not!

Designing Bean's Nursery

It goes without saying that designing Bean's baby nursery has some unique qualities to it that don't necessarily apply to many other parents.  For starters, there is my job.  I am an Interior Designer...of baby nurseries.  The design of Bean's first bedroom is almost like a marketing opportunity for me, so, I definitely feel a bit of pressure in designing a "perfect" baby nursery.  In addition to the overall decor of the nursery, I want to incorporate Ashley into Bean's baby nursery as much as possible.  For instance, tonight while we were on the phone, I told Ashley I wanted to include a picture of her holding Bean in the hospital.  The next thing I knew, Ashley asked me if she could actually make that picture frame for me.  Bring on the tears!  I thought the photo itself was very special; the fact that it will be displayed in a frame Ashley made is just the icing on the cake.

If you can believe it, Ashley has a board on  Pinterest called, "Surro Baby Hope."  It's stunning, and, you can check it out here.

Clearly, Ashley is very crafty.  I've seen her crochet, wallpaper a wall in Caitlynn's bedroom using scrapbook paper (the final project looked like a patchwork quilt - I couldn't believe it!), make jewelry, take amazing photos...you  name it.  So, as I perused Ashley's "Surro Baby Hope" Pinterest board, I immediately fell in love with the beaded letter shown above.  The instant I said something, Ashley was on it...now Bean will have her own beaded letter courtesy of the amazing woman who gave her life.  How special is that?!  At that point, I began to cry so much I was snorting!

Hot Moms' Club Anybody?

And finally, I wanted to post some updated pregnancy pics of Ashley so you can see how Bean is growing and how amazing Ashley looks in the process!  Poor Ashley's had a rough go of it, but, you wouldn't know it looking at these pictures!  Check her out - meow!

Ashley and Caitlynn on Christmas (19 weeks pregnant)

Ashley at 20 weeks (halfway there!)...I think I look more pregnant than she does!

This is another t-shirt courtesy of All Things Surrogacy.  I'm thinking of wearing it to the hospital on D-Day.

Ciao for Now

I probably won't have much of an update between now and our sonogram on January 21st, but, I promise to take notes and plenty of pictures to give you the most thorough update possible.  Until then, stay safe, happy, and healthy!

Cheers!